I’m so honored today to bring you my new friend Brittany! Oh you guys. Lean in. When I initially read her words I got chills. She’s got a word for you, I promise!
a broken engagement
I awoke to a splitting head ache and swollen eyes. I laid in my bed, vacant of any strength to do more than stare at the door. Pain flooded my heart as I remembered the occurrences of the previous night.
Brokenness had welcomed itself into my life once again. This time, in the form of a white dress returned, and a promise withdrawn.
And the pain cut so deep, I had little will to live.
But through the crippling heartache, God gave me the strength to get up and go to work. Numerous times throughout the day I asked myself “How am I doing this?” as I smiled and assisted customers. I can’t find the words to help you understand what happened that day. All I know is I am 100% certain that the Lord himself carried me through. I didn’t muster the strength up, and he didn’t just give me a push.
His grace poured over me like a wave that carried me to shore.
Through heartbreak, His grace will pour over us like a wave to the shore. #fiercelyHis Click To Tweet
Since 16, I had never been the single girl. Always trying to fill the void, I’d jump into a new relationship almost immediately. But now, I was a new Christian and I knew those days were behind me. What I didn’t know was how to be alone, nor could I stand the thought of it. I believed I needed a man in order to be happy or to feel I had any worth.
Maybe you believe that too. Please read on, I have a beautiful truth for you, friend.
a broken engagement: revealed
Over the course of about 2 1/2 years, the Lord took me on a journey of deep healing. Healing I didn’t even know I needed.
When God allows something painful in your life, you can be sure he will use it to sanctify you and grow you closer to him.When God allows something painful in your life, he will use it to grow you closer to him.… Click To Tweet
You see, I had a much deeper issue in my heart than just the wounds caused by this broken engagement. Hidden under the surface was the infection which was the real cause of my pain. God was not sitting on the throne of my heart, my ex fiance was.
There was a war for my heart and God was jealous over my attention.
For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God. (Deuteronomy 4:24 ESV)
For years, I was blinded to the fact that I idolized men. I worshiped how they made me feel, the attention they gave me, and the comfort they sometimes provided. This is why I found myself walking the road of promiscuity. Because it was there that I found all that my sinful heart craved. I was a broken girl who often felt rejected by my Father so I searched for acceptance by sacrificing my purity on the altar of boys.
But with this break-up, the veil began to lift. As the texts, calls and pop-ups at my apartment flooded in with temptations to take him back, clarity had already taken root and God had broken the chains of this idol which I had clung so tightly to before.
I still, to this day, praise the Lord for ripping that man from my arms!
Though I felt tremendous pain for many months, it was the best thing that could have ever happened. Our Lord always knows best. We can trust him in every circumstance.
Clearing my heart of this idol was a process. There was pressing temptation to fall into old sin. There was deep sorrow as I watched the man who broke me, marry before me. There were nights of crying alone on my bed praying (or screaming, rather) these words, “Please bring me a husband. I’m so lonely. My heart hurts so bad.”
God was faithful through it all to remind me what I needed was not a husband, but himself instead. He is the only one who can mend a broken heart (Psalm 147:3) and truly satisfy and provide for our every need.God is the ONLY one who can truly satisfy our every need! @godsmyhealer #fiercelyHis Click To Tweet
a broken engagement: contentment
Did you know contentment is possible? That’s really what Paul is talking about when he says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!”
We can be content in singleness, heart-break, financial problems or anything we’re battling.
There was a point after years of singleness when contentment finally rested upon my heart. I had no prospects and I was content, even happy.
Remember what I said about not believing I could be happy without a man in my life? Well, here is proof of the miraculous work only God can do in the heart of a broken woman.
He changed me from a woman who chased fiercely after men, to a woman who is fiercely his.
And he can do the same for you.
Brittany is a follower of Christ and wife to James. She exists to bring God glory and prays that her writing is an avenue for that. Brittany longs to encourage women to think and live biblically and she thrive’s on seeing women open up their hearts to The Savior and to other women around them. She believes transparency is the key to growth and promises to be real, even when it hurts.
Man oh man! Did Brittany’s words speak to you like they spoke to me? I’d love to hear from you! Please take a minute and share your thoughts below. Has anything ever been stripped away from you? How did you handle it?
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