“Though outwardly smiling to the world, inside I was crying out to God. I was suffering physically and spiritually. My prayers for healing went unanswered, and I found myself drifting away from Him. I was weak and in a state of brokenness.”
Are Fierce Women Weak?
Though outwardly smiling to the world, inside I was crying out to God. I was suffering physically and spiritually. My prayers for healing went unanswered, and I found myself drifting away from Him. I was weak and in a state of brokenness.
The journey that led me to that dark place began when my husband Ryan and I decided to have a child.
I had dreams of a pregnancy full of smiles and laughter. I couldn’t wait to enjoy the feeling of life growing inside of me.
Two weeks after conception, I knew I was pregnant before any test or doctor confirmed it, as I began continually feeling nauseous and throwing up.
Morning sickness is a common ailment in the first trimester of pregnancy. I didn’t want to complain as there are women who are not able to conceive or have experienced miscarriages. I had a healthy baby and this was just morning sickness- it would pass.
As I journeyed into my second trimester, it became obvious that the persistent nausea and vomiting were not going to let-up. I was throwing up nearly every hour of the day.
My dream of being pregnant began feeling like a nightmare.
I felt sorry for myself and wondered, “Why me?”
Instead, I should have asked for His power to be made perfect in my weakness.
How often we tend to do that. We forget the promises He has provided us with when our pain becomes great. We stop asking Him to rest His power in us and start allowing our weaknesses to separate us from our Father.
Isolation and silence are what I felt during my pregnancy because I stopped looking to God’s truth. I mistook His refusal to heal me as unloving, when what He wanted was for me to see that His grace would be enough.
While I was missing what God wanted me to understand, Satan was capitalizing on my despair.
I shared my hardship with few. Hiding when I got sick with restroom breaks and walks outside.
When I thought about asking others for prayer and support, Satan whispered, “ A good mother makes it on her own. She doesn’t need help from anyone else.”
I refused to boast gladly about my weakness. To me, boasting that I was weak and struggling would be a sign of an inadequate mother. I wanted to be fierce and strong and do this all on my own.
Thankfully, God still quietly poured out His power into me.
He remained faithful when I was faithless.
His power first poured in through the form of motivation. Taking sick days was not an option if I wanted to spend time with my daughter after she was born. God motivated me with thoughts of the arrival of my daughter. This motivated me to get out of bed when I wanted to pull the covers over my head and wallow in my weakness.
His power also came to me through a passion to write. I began writing letters to my daughter with pieces of wisdom, pictures of her ultrasounds, and sentences full of love. Writing helped me through difficult days.
Dreams that came True.
After 40 long weeks, I was holding a baby girl in my arms and my heart overflowed with a love that overshadowed all the pain of the last 9 months.
She was the perfection God created from my weakness.
Praise God He poured out His power into my weakness even when I didn’t know He was doing so. Power that got me through to the beautiful moment I first held my daughter in my arms. Perfect power that taught me the lesson God needed me to learn.
I am now a better mother, wife, and woman because of my experience. I am no longer shamed by weakness and seek out other believers to pray with me when I struggle. I invite God’s power to rest on me!
Sweet sister- I don’t know what weaknesses you face, but please know that when you are facing weakness, His grace and power are enough to make it perfect! By allowing Him to perfect what is weak, He is glorified and you are made fierce.
Fierce for Him!
So, I ask you, are fierce women weak? Absolutely! A weak woman who gladly boasts in her weakness means she readily relies on God and trusts in His perfect power. That is a woman we should all strive to be!
Keri has a passion to live out 2 Peter 1:3 everyday- “Before we reach that eternal reward—let’s strive to be godly women, together” Her #1 goal is to strive to be a Godly woman in all she does. She is wife, mom, daughter, sister and friend and writes on her blog at kerimosier.com.
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