Fiercely Loving My Perfectly Imperfect Mom

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What can I say about today’s writer? Sarah is simply beautiful. I haven’t known Sarah for long, but I can tell you this- we have what I call a “God-connection.” I loved her soul from the first moment I happened upon her website. A brave and fierce one she is!

Fiercely loving my perfectly imperfect mom. A story about a mom and her adult daughter.

Fiercely Loving My Perfectly Imperfect Mom

In John 13, Jesus said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”

Jesus set the bar pretty high, didn’t He?

At first glance, it seems like He is asking a lot of us.

But if you take a moment to dig deeper, you will discover the true beauty of this passage.

When we learn to be fiercely His, we are free to love others fiercely.

I want to share a story with you today; one that demonstrates the power of God’s Holy Word to transform the broken pieces of our lives into something beautiful and full of purpose.

The two main characters in this story are me (the dissatisfied and disillusioned daughter) and my mom (the distant and disheartened mother).

Yes, this story is about the complex relationship between a mother and her adult daughter.

Every Hollywood film has a victor and a villain, but you would be gravely mistaken if you attempted to cast my mother or me in either of these roles.

In real life, our Great Victor is always Jesus Christ and the villain is none other than…you guessed it…Satan.

You will discover, as this story unfolds, that the only way to overcome obstacles in relationship is to recognize that the true battle is always between the Victor and the villain.

In relationships, the true battle is between Jesus Christ and Satan. #fiercelyHis @SarahEKoontz Click To Tweet

Now that we’ve set the stage and established the main characters, it’s time for my story.

I live next door to my mom.  She is a beautiful, godly woman.  I have always known she loves me.  

Yet, I have often struggled to love her well.  In fact, I’ve spent years building my case against her.  

I’ve got this ideal vision of what a mother should be, and my mom….well….she often fails to live up to the standard I have set for her.

Maybe you can relate?

Each time she falls short of my ideal, my case against her is strengthened and the dissatisfaction grows.

Fiercely loving my perfectly imperfect mom. A story about a mom and her adult daughter.

I know my mom loves me, but I just don’t feel loved by her.

The vicious cycle of impossible standards, broken expectations, and unmet needs nearly destroyed me.

Finally, with a tear-stained face and an overwhelming sense of failure in my role as a daughter, I raised my white flag and asked the mighty Victor to battle on my behalf.

I was tired of going through the motions of loving my mom, I felt ugly and unlovely, and in spite of all of her imperfections, I knew she deserved better.

I had mistaken my mom for the villain for far too long; it was time to redirect my arrows at the true enemy of my soul.

An amazing thing happens when we finally reach a place of surrender, when we finally recognize that the villain has duped us and we desperately need to be rescued. 

The Victor shows up!

An amazing thing happens when we finally reach a place of surrender. #fiercelyHis @sarahekoontz Click To Tweet

He does not come quietly, He does not move slowly, He emerges onto the scene with great gusto and forces the villain to retreat into hiding.

Jesus Christ asks us to love because we are loved by Him.

Therefore, our love is born out of His love.

We cannot follow this command in our own strength, we cannot manufacture this beautiful love apart from His provision, and we will have no victory over the villain until we are rescued by the Victor.

God’s love empowers us to be lovely.God's love empowers us to be lovely #fiercelyHis @sarahekoontz Click To Tweet

As this revelation seeped into my weary soul, I was overcome by an irresistible sense of peace and hope for the future.

The truth of Jesus’ words in John 13 freed me up to love my mom without expectation or reservation, and our relationship has been transformed.

I no longer wish my mom to be something she will never be, because I do not need her to be more than she is.

I no longer judge and condemn, because I am not judged and condemned.

I no longer feel unlovely because my loveliness is anchored in the redeeming power of God’s love.

The best part of the story is that it’s not over yet.  

Fiercely loving my perfectly imperfect mom. A story about a mom and her adult daughter.

Not even close!

My mom and I are truly enjoying each other in a way that I had only ever dreamed of, and when we are together, I feel God’s love pouring out of me.

The victor has won, the villain has fled, and the daughter has learned how to love her perfectly imperfect mom.

Are you struggling to love your parent, spouse or child? I encourage you to ask God for the faith to believe and apply the radical truth of John 13.

The victor is waiting to rescue you, to redeem your story, and to teach you how to be fiercely His.  

Sarah is a fighter! #fiercelyHis

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Sarah Koontz invites women of all ages to explore the beauty of God’s design. She is passionate storyteller who enjoys using illustrations to communicate deep spiritual truths.  Sarah lives on 13-acres in South Dakota with her husband, two daughters and a rowdy flock of 30 chickens.  She revels in their simple, uncluttered life. Read more of Sarah’s writing at SarahKoontz.com.

You can also connect with her on  Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.

I love hearing from you! Please say ‘hi’ and share your thoughts below. Also leave any prayer requests. I love praying for you!

Also, would you do me a favor —if you resonate with this article or it has helped you today— would you share it with someone else? Maybe a friend, coworker, or family member…?

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  1. “When we learn to be fiercely His, we are free to love others fiercely.” SO beautiful!!! Hugs to you for writing this beautiful piece, Sarah. Thank you for sharing your story. <3

  2. […] sharing the beautiful story of how God transformed my relationship with my mom at ShannonGeurin.com this […]

    • Sarah Koontz says:

      It is so freeing to discover our tendency to do this and stop those negative thoughts dead in their tracks. Love flows freely when we choose to overlook flaws and love with Christ’s love.

  3. Sarah, I never thought about how we “build a case against” people in our minds and hearts. Yet I do that, both with my mom and with others every time I hold onto wrongs. Thanks for this reminder. We can love because God loves us! We are free. 🙂

  4. I love your story because at it’s core it’s about surrendering our unrealistic expectations of others and allowing God’s love to flow through us. This isn’t as easy to do as it is to write! I appreciate your honest candor. Visiting from Intentional Tuesday today 🙂

    • Sarah Koontz says:

      Thanks for stopping by, Angela. You are so very right about the core message of this post! I work hard to live this truth every day, but it is only when I focus on God’s love that I find freedom to love fiercely.

  5. Tracey Cross says:

    Your words “I no longer judge and condemn, because I am not judged and condemned. I no longer feel unlovely because my loveliness is anchored in the redeeming power of God’s love.” Thank you !!

  6. Dawn Boyer says:

    There is so much here, Sarah, but I love this…”I no longer wish my mom to be something she will never be, because I do not need her to be more than she is.” This nugget is a truth we need to apply to all our relationships. Oh, that we can be filled with the love of God so that we can love others out of it. Thanks for sharing this story, and your heart.
    Bless you!!
    Dawn

  7. LeNae says:

    Wonderful post, I have struggled with a relationship with my mom my whole life. I have prayed and prayed she would change, but maybe it is me that needs to. Maybe I need a change of heart like you discovered! I know it will not be easy or quick, but I have hope from your story! Thank you for sharing.

  8. Nachelle Bell says:

    This post is very inspiring to all of us moms and daughters struggling with images of how each other should be treated. I have struggled in excess of over 30 years with my mom , yet God is a true restorer! Thank you for your transparency as it helps those of us who are dealing with the same issue apply the knowledge you share to our own struggles and now we can allow Abba to grow in us as He desires and set us free from the lies of the enemy! You are a blessing and an answer to prayer! Huggles!

  9. Susan Green says:

    Thanks for this encouraging message. My mother loves me but I don’t feel it all the time. So I have ask God to help me see her as he sees her, and it has gradually changed. I believe me reading this blog was no accident. Thanks for sharing your story.

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