“Saying yes to God is never easy, and always comes with a fight. But we say yes to Him wounded and weak with the promise that His Grace is sufficient for us and His power is made perfect in our weaknesses. A fierce woman is a surrendered woman.”
My journey of living perfectly weak began with over a decade of disappointment and hurt. When you start out ready to take on the world for Jesus and then real life, with real wounds sets in, you want to give up. Here is an excerpt of my book “Perfectly Weak,” of when God was asking me to say yes to planting our church and getting up one more time and fight. I just didn’t have it in me—but God had it in Him.
One night, at my breaking point ready to give up, I was lying in bed crying while Justin was asleep, I heard God very clearly say, “If you will just be willing, I will do the rest.” He just wanted me to say yes. That’s all I had to do. And at the moment, saying yes to Him was the hardest thing I could do. It was actually physically hard for me to get the word out. But lying there that night, I said yes to God in the faintest whisper I could muster. I meant it, but I didn’t feel it.
As I began to say yes to God, I still felt overwhelmed, angry, hurt, and scared. I felt too weak. I still did not want to start that church. I just wanted so badly to be safe, not risky. I wanted to be comfortable.
But I had decided that if God asked me to be willing, then I could do that and I was going to watch Him keep His end of the bargain and let Him do the rest—because I just couldn’t.
Even though I agreed to obey and God was moving, I still was struggling. So much fear and anger was holding me back. It was going to be a fight and take all I had. As we moved to plant the church, I felt foggy and lost. I spent most of my day with our ten-month old and three-year old, whom I loved with all my heart and for whom I wanted the best, but I’d been crushed and hurt by the last nine years of ministry experiences. And there we were, moving forward with planting a church that I still did not want to be a part of. It was all too much for me.
I knew God was there. I talked to Him everyday, but I was angry with Him and didn’t understand why He allowed hurtful things to happen to me. I knew He was sovereign. I knew He was in control of everything. But rather than bringing a sense of peace and reassurance, the thought of His power and authority only made me mad, mostly because I knew life didn’t have to happen to us the way it did. He could have made things turn out different. But He didn’t. I cringed when well-meaning people would say things like, “God has a reason for everything, or God uses all things for good in our lives.” I knew that was true, but I was years away from being ready to digest that. I was terribly disappointed at where we were in life after almost ten years of marriage.
So, one day I began to tell God that I was angry, which was nothing new. I’d been telling him that same thing every day for quite a while. This time, however, I began to tell Him that not only did we not have things we needed, but that I couldn’t see any way we could ever have anything we wanted or see any of our dreams come true. They were dreams God had given us, but I had given up—for real this time. I was done. It all seemed impossible and every day I let Him know how I felt.
But even after saying all that to Him, God kept whispering to me, “If you will just be willing, I will do the rest.” So I got up everyday and said the words, “I am willing.” I said it, but I didn’t feel it. I so desperately wanted those feelings to come as we planted this church. I wanted to feel the joy and excitement about this journey that Justin felt—it was difficult to watch Justin and see his excitement every day about what we were doing and all the while I was so angry. But day after day, in spite of my prayers, nothing changed. So, I kept going, and just took one step at a time.
As we planted the church, people showed up and ministry began to grow, and I continued to hide. Afraid of being hurt. Afraid to step into the role He had for me. I was so wounded, and I responded by focusing on the wounds– and not the Healer—which meant I was disabling myself from stepping into the leadership He was calling me towards. I had to learn you can’t recognize the God of the impossible inside of you, while dwelling on the negative circumstances around you. –Excerpt from “Perfectly Weak.”You can’t recognize the God of the impossible inside of you, while dwelling on the negative… Click To Tweet
Fight for your calling.
I also had to learn that we have to fight for what God is calling us to do. Even when that calling, that dream, that hope is buried so deep down that it’s barely still flickering to stay alive. You have to purposely and intentionally lift your head every single day to where your help comes from and
DECIDE to be willing to obey.
DECIDE to say yes to God.
Saying yes to God is never easy, and always comes with a fight. But we say yes to Him wounded and weak with the promise that His Grace is sufficient for us and His power is made perfect in our weaknesses. A fierce woman is a surrendered woman.A fierce woman is a surrendered woman. #CaseyGraves #fiercelyHis Click To Tweet
When we surrender our wounds and our weaknesses to God, and lean into that grace and power He promises, that’s when we can get up and fight even when don’t think we can. We can’t, but God can fight in us and through us. When we surrender it to Him that’s when Christ’s power can rest on us. It rises up in us to be powerful.
And that’s living perfectly weak.
Casey Graves is a wife, momma, women’s ministry director, and pastor in Tulsa, OK. She spends her time keeping up with the craziest dreamer and God chaser she knows (her husband), and being mom to two precious girls that are her life’s calling to raise. She loves the remarkable people that she gets to pastor and realizes that God has facilitated His healing in her life through the process of planting Foundations Church. She has just recently published a book entitled Perfectly Weak about her journey through brokenness, weakness, and fear. She heavily leans to Jesus every day to be the grace that is sufficient for her and power that is made perfect in her weakness.
Casey blogs at www.weareperfectlyweak.com.
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