I’m starting a series called “Monday Confessions” and I’m a bit nervous about it, but I’m just doing it so here goes! The numbers on the scale. Uggghhhh. It’s something that most women are insecure about. Especially me. About 5 years ago I was running in my neighborhood and I heard this still small voice (JESUS) saying “You should post your weight on social media.” I thought, are you crazy??? So, I once again ignored the voice (really need to work on this). I was recently reminded about it and just decided- okay I’m doing it. Why are we so private and insecure about our weight? It’s like I try to conceal my bumps and bulges hoping that I fool everyone. Did you know that the weight on my drivers license says 115 lbs? Do I weigh that right now? Um. NO. I weighed 115 when I got my license 26 years ago and I never have changed it. I wonder, if we were just honest with ourselves and with others, would that encourage others who may be severely struggling with the way they see their body, or maybe those that “think” they’re fat?
So, here goes. I am 153 lbs. Eeeeek! Let me add that I’m also 5’3″. That doesn’t help!
I LOVE food. I heart it. Now I know I’m not obese, but I do feel I have a lot of extra weight that isn’t necessary. I’m not super excited about my body, but I’ve learned to be happy about it. There are tons of other things in my life I need to focus on. I have learned that being unhappy with my outward appearance only makes those around me suffer because the old saying is true- “when mamma ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy.” When I was a young mother I remember being highly insecure about my weight. (I even weighed less than I do right now) I was so unhappy about it, that I let it affect me and how I treated my family. I was basically cranky a lot of the time because I felt so insecure about myself, and how I looked on the outside. It took me a while to figure that out about myself. The funny thing is, I weigh more now than I did when I was younger. Yet -I’m happier now than I was when I was young. It’s crazy thinkin’.
Happiness does not depend on our looks or how we feel. It really is a clear, mindful and logical choice.
Happiness is a choice.
I’m currently on a missions trip to NYC with my daughter and our church (Woodlake) youth group. I asked some of the girls how they felt about their weight. I wanted them to be real with me. One of them said, “Well,…I don’t like it. Sometimes I cry in the dressing room.” Broke my heart. This amazing girl is simply stunning. She’s beautiful! The thing about this girl is- yes, she’s beautiful on the outside..but her spirit..yes…her spirit is beautiful! She can walk into a room and light it up. She can go up to strangers and make them smile for absolutely no reason other than just the fact that she is adorable. I love her spirit. I love the Jesus inside of her. Here she is–isn’t she just lovely?
Here’s some more- this one is a group of girls on our mission trip. SO BEAUTIFUL- every one of them!
Here’s one of me and my daughter (right) and my closest friend Lesley (left)
This one is all of the adult the leaders on the mission trip. Oh how I love these beautiful women!
I recently was inspired by one of my favorite bloggers from one of her posts, The Battle of the Bulge. She encouraged us to dress the body we have even if we have to go up a size. I loved her authenticity about talking about her own struggles with her weight. Her viewpoint is spot on about the way many of us feel. The size we wear is so insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
Here are my girls. I love this picture because it is raw, natural beauty. I hope with all my heart my girls learn from me to love themselves, no matter their size. I want them to be confident women of God. I believe my dream will come true as they both already possess many of these qualities.
As for me, I leave you with this:
This pic is taken the night we arrive to Staten Island after about 24 hours of drive time. Not my favorite pic, but totally is me to a tee. I was exhausted as we all were. We had a little bit of time before we had to report to duty, so we took a walk on the Staten Island beach. See that sweatshirt I have on? I love it not only because it’s my Minnie Mouse sweatshirt, but also because it helps to conceal my “muffin top.” Can’t see it can ya? Well it’s there. I’ll always try to conceal my trouble areas. I LOVE SPANX. So, I’m not saying that we should just all embrace our bumps and show the world. I promise you I won’t turn into the lady that wears leggings and a cami. Oh Lord..please. Please,.. I beg you… even if you are are completely happy with the way you look, there’s no need to dress in a way that shows it all. Also, although I’m happy with myself right now, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to lose weight or get fit. I’m a firm believer in being healthy and physically fit. Which is why I’m going to participate in the Route 66 marathon here in Tulsa. My beautiful friend Lesley (pic above) has started a organization “Project Bring Back Joy” in which she is raising money for the Dayspring Villa in Sand Springs, OK. Dayspring Villa is a women’s domestic violence shelter. They are in desperate need of a full-time counselor and Lesley is hoping to raise enough money to meet that need for the year.
Just be happy…with you. Every part of you! Jesus Christ in us makes all things beautiful! He makes all things beautiful period.
So, I did it y’all. I posted my weight! Maybe you wanna comment with yours? If not, it’s okay! It was a totally crazy move on my part. What are your thoughts about this? Do you have anything to confess? I’ll be doing this for the next 4 weeks so think about it and if you wish, join me!
I love you!