To the girl who feels rejected and misunderstood.

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To the girl who feels rejected and misunderstood- you still have purpose!

Girl- I feel ya…I really do. And I bet there’s not a girl out there who would say she’s never been rejected or misunderstood. It happens to all of us at one point or another.

I got a call one morning that completely rocked my world. I was dripping wet from the shower I had just taken. The person on the other end and I talked for about 10 minutes…but I hardly heard anything she said after the first couple of minutes, and honestly it’s all a blur now.  After I clicked “end” on my phone, I took my heart-broken, rejected, and jilted body to my bed and slumped down under the covers. I couldn’t believe this was happening.

I was kicked out.
Not wanted.
Misunderstood.
De-valued.

But most of all I was rejected.

And there was not one thing I could do about it.

It was over.

It was one of the worst feelings of my life. Even though I sort of saw it coming, when it actually happened it completely knocked the wind out of me. And it couldn’t have come at the worst possible time. It was the day after my Grandfather died and two days before his funeral.

I don’t want to go into details simply because I whole-heartedly and genuinely want to protect those involved, but it was something that I had a passion for. I was honored to be involved because it was making an impact. It was worthwhile and influential and lives were being changed including my own. But within 10 minutes, just like that, I was out.

I don’t know what you’re going through or why you feel rejected or misunderstood. But I want you to know that it’s going to be okay.

God is on your side

Now hang on, sis. When I say God is on your side, I don’t mean that he has taken sides and has picked yours. No, that’s not what I’m saying. Because you see, God is on everyone’s side..He’s cool like that. He loves every one of us, no matter what. So when I say He was on my side, He was there, picking me up, comforting me, and reassuring me that it was going to be okay.

You still have purpose.

No matter what you’re going through, or what someone else does to you, God has a purpose for you and for your life. He has a plan. At the time I was so devastated by what had happened I was sure there was no longer a purpose for me. I felt like it had been taken away, because I was sure I was in my sweet spot. Ever feel that way? Yeah, it’s a hard thing to go through. It seemed like it took me a really long time to heal and move on, but I did with God’s help. There is a beautiful purpose for you on the other side of rejection…always remember that!

There is a beautiful purpose for you on the other side of rejection. Click To Tweet

You have to forgive.

Forgive those that try to harm you and forgive those that honestly think they’re doing the right thing. But why in the world do we have to forgive others, especially when they have hurt us so much? Let’s be honest. This just sucks, doesn’t it? Sorry girls, life is hard. We have to do the hard things in order for us to grow and develop in to who we’re supposed to be.

I know that the person who rejected me felt she was doing the right thing. I also believe that she felt she was doing what God wanted her to do. This is a hard thing for me to understand. But, the thing is, it’s not for me to understand. Sometimes those that harm us feel they are doing the right thing. Sometimes their heart is in the right place….at least that’s what I believe. It’s what I had to believe.

Speaking of forgiveness, just because you forgive, doesn’t mean the relationship will go back to the way it was. And that’s okay. You have to be okay with that. I carried guilt and confusion with me for a long time because I used to be very close with this person. After everything happened, there was just no way for us go back to the way it was before. The details and circumstances just wouldn’t allow it, and I had to learn that it was okay. I was confused by this because I thought that the only way I would know if I had forgiven her was if we became close friends again. Through the wise counsel of someone who I could trust, I realized this wasn’t the case.

To the girl who's been rejected and misunderstood- you still have purpose!

When someone rejects you and you feel misunderstood I believe there are 5 things you should do to move past it:

Wish them well.

Want good things for them. Pray for them. Forgive them even when you do not understand.

Hope for them.

Believe that they have the best of intentions.

This one is hard I get that and I’ll be honest, I don’t even know how to accurately explain how to do it…I just know it’s important. As I was writing this, it took me what seemed like hours to figure this one out and I just couldn’t. I still can’t. Some things we just don’t get… or maybe it’s just giving the benefit of the doubt. Just believe that they have the best of intentions and move on.

Be teachable.

Have a teachable spirit. Ask God what it is that He wants you to learn. I firmly believe that the things in life we go through can either cripple us to catapult us into a stronger, wiser person if we allow it. Put away your pride and reflect on what you could have done differently. You will be wiser for it.

Let go.

Let go of wanting to be understood. Quit fretting and stewing over it because honestly it’s not worth it.

HELLO. This is the worst, because really, we all just want to be understood. Especially those of us that may have a hard time communicating our feelings.

We.just.want.to.be.understood.

I went over and over in my mind what happened and how I should have or could have responded differently. I felt overwhelmingly misunderstood…but yet I felt there was nothing I could do about it. Sometimes silence is the best decision and sometimes silence speaks when words can’t.

Feeling misunderstood is the worst, but silence speaks when words can't. Click To Tweet

Be the warrior that’s inside of you.

Because she IS there and she wants to be free. She might be buried deep but I bet you’ll find her if you dig long enough. Don’t ever give up. You feel rejected I know, but the truth is, you’ve been hand-picked by the One that really matters. He’ll never reject you and He always understands! So head up girl, and pick up that sword.

Oh, and I love you- so much!

I always enjoy hearing from you! Please take a minute to say ‘hi’ and share your thoughts below. 

Also, would you do me a favor —if you resonate with this article or it has helped you today— would you share it with someone else? Maybe a friend, coworker, or family member…?

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  1. Beautiful insight, mama. Just lovely. This is a really hard lesson to learn and one God has reinforced in my life a few times until I was able to make peace with this truth and move on. But like you said, unpleasant circumstances have the power to propel us forward into the person God wanted us to be all along. It’s rarely pretty getting there, but always worth it. Thank you for this. Xo

    • Shannon says:

      Thank you dear Paige! I hate hard lessons–but something beautiful does come on the other side of it. Thanks for stopping by today!

  2. Dawn says:

    Yes! You’ve written such beautiful words of truth here. I, too, have struggled with that guilt you described around what forgiveness means. Relationships can’t always go back to the way they were before the hurt happened..and that’s okay. Thank you for sharing this encouragement.

  3. KellyRBaker says:

    Thanks for these practical tips, Shannon. Wanting to be understood is one of the hardest, but “keep moving forward” to quote a kids movie. 🙂

  4. Stephanie abbott says:

    Shannon, I have only read the first couple of Paragraphs but I already feel compelled to tell you that when I read the words “rejected” and “misunderstood” together a light went on in my head. I have certainly felt rejected, and I have certainly felt misunderstood. But, I have never thought of them as being aligned with one another, you are exactly right! Most of the time when we feel rejected, it’s because we think the other party must not of understood our true intent, and/or must not be able to see our heart. Thank you for this lightbulb moment.

    • Shannon says:

      That’s so cool Stephanie! The misunderstanding that goes along with rejection is absolutely heartbreaking, isn’t it? I’m so glad you stopped by!!!

  5. Tawni says:

    What a great post! I have definitely been there, so this was very relatable. Very freeing words, here. Thank you for sharing, friend.

  6. Jane says:

    I love this post! Forgiving and moving on, those are powerful and so important for our own mental wellbeing. But can be so hard to do.

    • Shannon says:

      I agree Jane. It is very hard, but I found that because of my relationship with Jesus, it was the only genuine way for me to move past it, but not only move past it, be grateful for the opportunity and grateful for the heartbreak.

  7. Shannon, you’ve touched a place that many of us can relate to. Being rejected never feels good and it’s hard to see the good that can come of it, but I love that you’ve pointed us to ways we can heal and move on. Though not always easy, forgiveness is certainly key to healing.

    • Shannon says:

      YOu’re so right Marva- it never feels good! I can honestly say though that looking back it was for the best…I truly believe that…it was for such a time as this:-)

  8. Melanie Redd says:

    What a great word about rejection, Shannon!
    It is SO hard to be left out, turned out, turned away, and uninvited. I’ve been there so many times, and I can so relate to your story.
    I think it’s hardest when someone we love/admire rejects us.
    And, I so appreciate your words of wisdom about how to respond afterward. Very. Wise. Words!
    Appreciate you~
    Melanie

    • Shannon says:

      Aw thanks Melanie! I love your words of encouragment. I think we’ve all been there, ya know? You’re such an inspiration!

  9. Brenda says:

    I love this!! It was amazing! It was so inspiring and made me feel so loved while I was reading!! Thank you so much for sharing this!

  10. I’ve been on the end of one of those phone calls and boy it stings. But God … over time He has shown me that while it felt like heaps of rejection, it was actually rescue. He removed me from a place He didn’t want me at a time He didn’t want me there and as much as that hurt, as bad as I wanted answers, He reigned sovereign. I love your encouragement that we need to release it and rest in the fact that He is for us. Love that so much!

    • Shannon says:

      Ya know Tiffany this speaks to me so much. You’re so right. I know this deep down, and I even believe that God had revealed that to me, but I forgot about it..doesn’t that sound crazy, that I would forget something so important? Thank you for helping me remember!

  11. Rebecca says:

    Are you SURE God doesn’t take sides?
    Letting Go instead of playing the scene over and over and over is a process that I have to surrender to daily.
    But God…two of my favorite words.
    He meets me in my brokenness and holds me up every time!

    • Shannon says:

      LOL Rebecca. We’re so human and I have a hard time letting go too…but God…you’re right….but God!!!!

  12. Diane says:

    I’ve been through what you’ve described and your words were much needed. Thank you!

  13. Encouraging Shannon. Timely too. The calls/texts we didn’t expect or ever want and the ones we held out in faith for, but simply never came.
    I can identify when you said it caused you to carry confusion for a long time. Thats a tough part, of any parting, isn’t it?
    I like what Tiffany wrote – “What feels like heaps of rejection was actually rescue.”

    Last season, after transferring the sprouts of sunflowers from seed trays to wide terrain, I was stunned to see how small they ended up.
    Their growth was seriously stunted. Unfortunately, I left them in the flats way too long, and what could have been 8 feet tall, shining sunflowers 🌻, were shortened in their potential – sprouting up less than one foot.
    That’s not to say, the trays were not adequate to start the seed, but they simply were not meant to be the home to the budding flower any longer.
    I felt as if my garden mishap was Gods tender way of helping me see through the fog.
    You can be sure I’ll take them out ‘on time’ this year!🌻
    Thank-you for sharing honestly, while pointing the way to humility.
    Gods bounty to you!

  14. Oh, I know this feeling all too well. Even by people at church. I don’t know why relationships are so hard to do well. But you’re right, we need to take ownership only of our own reactions and behaviors. If we are rejected for reflecting Christ, then that isn’t our concern. It is hard not to feel hurt, but I can stand firm knowing that I’ve done my human best to be kind and understanding, and to serve God in everything I do. And leave their consciences and actions up to Him.

    • Shannon says:

      Hi Jennifer! We are human and we make mistakes- that’s why relationships are hard! It doesn’t mean that it’s easy though. You are so right- we are responsible for our own actions! I’m so glad you stopped by today!

  15. I think we get stuck on forgiving myself. Forgiving and moving on are the only way to have peace. Lots of folks are writing on this topic these days. Love the way you communicated the message.

  16. Lisa campher says:

    really awesome !!!

  17. Laura says:

    Im so happy I stumbled across this post. This is absolutely encouraging, and is affirming what God has been trying to teach me. Rejection sucks… until you realize it was just God protecting you! This is so encouraging to know I’m not the only one who has gone through this and has come to these conclusions. It’s so freeing once we remove ourselves from hurt and into a place of accepting his best for us, wherever and whatever that is! Thank you for sharing!

    • Shannon says:

      Laura- I’m so glad you stumbled across it too! It was a difficult piece to write, but I knew that I needed to just do it. It’s something that had been on my heart for a while, but the timing wasn’t right. With all of that said, God never wastes our pain…and I firmly believe I went through that so that I could help someone else, even if it’s one person.

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