Oh my friends, what a treat I have for you today. The author of today’s post inspires me to no end. I have never met Sarah face to face, yet this woman I love so dearly. As I was putting the finishing touches on her post, tears streamed down my face. It’s my honor to share others’ stories. It’s not my blog, but His; and your’s. This is why I share so many stories here.
At one point I had to stop and just weep and ask God to bless her life and give her favor over her health. She has such a sweetness about her, and I know you’ll be touched by her words. Can I ask something of you? As you read her words will you just pray for her? I feel so strongly about this. Will you visit her blog (link is at the end) and consider supporting her in some way, whether it be following her on social media, subscribing to her blog, or just simply committing to praying for her over the next several days?
When God is Silent
“I don’t think God would allow the same thing to happen twice. Why would He allow you to get so seriously sick again when you’ve already endured that testing once?”
That was the response of my husband, then brand new boyfriend when I warned him about my health condition and how serious it had been in the past while we were sitting outside of a coffee shop, tucked away in a private moment away from the bustle inside.
He had that dreamy glow in his turquoise eyes, and I guess I must have as well because I said, “Maybe you’re right.”
He was right and wrong at the same time.
He was wrong because God still did allow me to become seriously ill again, but he was very right in that God didn’t test me the same way twice.
Where Is God in the Silence?
My head involuntarily slumped to my left shoulder as my mom brushed my hair just three days after the assault to my body that landed me in a wheelchair- without my consent.
My husband was at my side as I said the words half-jokingly, half-serious, “Would you still love me if I looked like Stephen Hawking?”
I had never experienced the involuntarily slumped head, drool pooling at my chin or that nagging question within me, “Would he seriously still love me if he was wrong that day and God did allow a serious testing of my health?”
“Sarah, you’re way cuter than Stephen Hawking, no worries.” He said it with a smile curved to his lip as he was trying to place me at ease.
Even though my husband was there during this long stretch, I couldn’t help but feel like God was absent. You remember how I mentioned that my husband was correct in saying that things would never happen the same way twice?
While I was enduring what felt like a splash over of hell in my first trial of a serious illness, I also had such a surge of comfort from God.
But now, God seemed strangely silent except for the briefest interlude of comfort.
There Is a Time For Everything, Sometimes Even Silence
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” -Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV)
I couldn’t help but think this was all just a terrible mistake. Every morning I would wake up, trying to jar myself awake from this nightmare. And every morning, I would attempt to thrust myself forward to walk, but my legs would buckle and send my body with a thud to the ground.
I really tried to take the situation in stride at first, but then, the pressing question came, “Where is God and that warm blanket of comfort everyone says you feel from Him when you face a crisis situation?
“Did I do something wrong?”
I tried to tick off the usual reasons for feeling silence from God, unconfessed sin, not seeking after God in Word and in prayer, and then that last one, a season of testing.
But then I remembered Esther, the Jewish beauty of humble origins turned queen who may have faced her own season of silence from God as there is no mention of “God” anywhere in her story. Yet, He was so there, guys! You can see His hand in her story, the way He nudged King Xerxes to take Esther as his bride. The way after Haman intended to enact the first Jewish Holocaust, his plan fell through because of Esther’s providential placement in a story that never uttered God but yet, He was there.God is nowhere mentioned in Queen Esther's story yet He was there! #fierceFriday Click To Tweet
I knew God was pressing me to still remain faithful to Him when everything around me seemed to be falling apart like my buckling legs.
Sometimes, I’ll admit, I was afraid to trust God because I was so afraid of the domino effect that was happening in my life, knocking down all of my dreams, my abilities, my finances which shriveled up because long-term serious illness will usually do just that.
But I also had to remember that these things were never mine in the first place.
They were given to me by God Himself. Even in what seemed like silence, I was tracing back the hand of God and the continuous times He had come through for me by using His hands and feet- people, through my husband the caregiver, who was only a shadow of Christ as the ultimate Caregiver, through my medical progress that although has been slow, has nevertheless been present.
God’s hand has been in my story, even in the silence.God's hand is in our story, even in the silence. #fiercelyHis #fierceFriday Click To Tweet
And I know that even in what seems like random chaos in your own life, He is still present wanting you to still remain fiercely His.
Sarah Chardavoyne drinks too much tea for her own good and loves to read anything from C.S. Lewis to Francine Rivers. She is trying to keep the hope alive in the Author of life in spite of her life’s interruptions. She blogs regularly at Ink Blots of Hope.
I hope you were blessed by today’s #fierceFriday post as much as I was! If you resonated with this article or it has helped you today— would you share it with someone else? Maybe a friend, coworker, or family member …?
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