He is Our Fierce
I couldn’t comfort her. I racked my maternal mind and came up empty. My words fell lifeless; they meant nothing. I sought His face, pleaded with the Father to take away her fear. I read His Word to her. It brought no comfort, only an otherworldly longing and questions I couldn’t answer.
“I just want Jesus to come back so I’m not afraid anymore. I want to be in heaven.”
While I was grateful for her longing, it weighed heavy. Eight-year-old girls love life. They run and sing and dance in the rain. They play with friends and make believe.
But, fear ran and danced over her little heart. She was so afraid.
She loved Jesus. I know this because I heard her pleading prayers. The Light flickered behind her eyes. But, in the fear cloud, she couldn’t see clearly. The fear cloud is dark. It’s confusing and messes everything up.The fear cloud is dark, confusing&messes everything up. #anxiety#fiercelyHis @mdbronson Click To Tweet
Why doesn’t He take my fears away? Doesn’t He hear me? Why isn’t He answering my prayers?
I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.
I’m her mother, her earthly protector, so I answer questions. I beat back the clouds. But, I couldn’t this time, and it tore.
When she screamed and held the door frame, I wanted to enfold her, keep her in my arms, smoothing hair and wiping cheeks dry.
It’s okay. I’m here.
But, I couldn’t. I had to peel fingers and draw and force her. I had to push-pull her, and I hated it. I couldn’t fix this for her, and so I reached end and yelled. Then, she was scared of me, too. I screamed at the devil to get out of my daughter’s heart. I screamed from the pit of my own self, Get out, Satan!
A fire burned in my chest – smoldering, wrecking. Heart and head sometimes don’t work so well together.
I knew she had go to school. She had to learn. It was so scary and neither of us knew why. She has a beautiful, Spirit-filled school and loving, Christ-hearted teachers. So, we did all the stuff: counseling, diet, medication, prayer, scripture cards in the lunch box and locker. She even wrote verses on her skin. All the reminders. The fight, fight, fight. My resources depleted.
I don’t know.
What am I missing, Lord? Why are you allowing this? Why aren’t you taking this?
Then, one day, Pastor said, “Claim it! Don’t ask, don’t hesitate, and don’t run. Stand and claim His protection in the name of Jesus, and be strong. Be firm, wholly trusting; speak without anger. Speak it calmly. Devil, get out. In the name of Jesus and in the power of His blood, get out.”
I’d been asking – over and over. Please, take it. Please comfort her. Please, Lord, please. I’d yelled, cursed, and demanded. But, always in my own power, never His. Satan laughed at my fierceness. I amused him. My fierce started and stopped at nowhere.
I couldn’t protect my child.
Father said, Where’s your armor?
I’ve got it; it’s right there.
Why aren’t you wearing it?
I wear it sometimes.
“In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” Ephesians 6:16-17
Put it on. Pick up the shield, strap the helmet, and lift the sword. Now, use it. I’ve given you authority, don’t you remember? Speak in the name of my Son – Jesus Christ – and Satan will flee.
“Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.” Luke 10:19
I’d been depleted – broken and emptied of self, reduced to what I am unto myself: nothing. So, I stepped outside the comfort zone, to the front of the line with Christ as my full covering. My fierce was nothing without Jesus. He is my armor, answer, and antidote. When we speak in His name, we have power. The devil is not amused by Christ’s fierce; he is terrified at the sound of His name.My fierce was nothing without Jesus. #fiercelyHis #fierce #anxiety @MDBronson Click To Tweet
He is our fierce.
Praise Jesus, He’s restored peace. He’s filled my precious child with His magnificent joy. She’s happy again and no longer afraid. She runs and sings and dances in the rain. She plays with her friends and makes believe. Mostly, though, she believes. She’s lived the miracle of His fierceness.
He’s changed my prayer. I don’t ask anymore. I claim it.
Father, I claim protection over my child’s heart, mind, and soul. Vaporize her fears. Make them disappear in His name and for Your glory, Amen.
M.D. Bronson is mother to four daughters, sister to the Savior, and daughter of the King. She loves authenticity, her fanny pack, digging in dirt, sharp pencils, and watching her Father’s hand spin Life in and around her. Oh, and words. She loves words. You can find her blog @ www.mdbronson.com or follow on Facebook @ www.facebook.com/mdellabronson.
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