Too many times, we assume that our teenage daughters should just automatically involve us in every aspect of their life. We think they owe it to us. I mean, we gave birth to them, right? Can I just tell you- they owe us nothing. Not one thing. We provide for their basic needs their entire lives and as they grow into teenagers our hope and desire is that they still want us to actively be a part of their life. Shouldn’t this be a given? No. Sadly it just doesn’t work like that. Being involved in her life as a teen starts when she is still young. It is a relationship that must be built over time.
6 things you can do RIGHT NOW to stay involved in her life as a teen:
Respect for our children starts at birth. If we can’t respect them how can we expect them to respect us? (Wow. Say that 3 times real fast.) Respect their individual needs and wants. This doesn’t mean we give up our role as parent, or “boss.” It simply means we are secure enough in our role that we lead them without ruling them.
Talk to her
Have adult conversations with her RIGHT NOW. Ask her opinion! Kids understand more than you think. Have mature conversations with them. This not only stimulates their young mind, it shows you respect them as a person. Be real with them. I’ve always been very open with my girls about taboo topics even at a young age. I would much rather talk to them and have them hear about sensitive things from me BEFORE they hear about them at school or church. My girls know that they can discuss ANYTHING with me without me freaking out. I’m not naive enough to believe that they will discuss every intimate detail of their lives with me, but they know that they can and they know I’ll always be here to listen to them.
Take time for her
There should be no doubt in that little brain of hers that she is priority in your world. Basic needs such as being bathed, clothed and fed can be completely exhausting for young moms and its so easy to be consumed, but don’t forget about those emotional needs. Start them out young with mother/daughter dates. Put your mothering role aside during these dates and be friends! It’s okay to throw routine out the window every now and then. Be fun and do girly things with them.It's okay to throw out the routine every now and then and have fun with your kids! Click To Tweet
Care about the things she cares about
Don’t brush those childish things aside as unimportant. This will be increasingly imperative as she grows. Justin Bieber became popular when my girls were 10 and 8. Mind you, this was when he was still sweet and innocent. I didn’t know who he was but you better believe I searched and knew just as much if not more than they knew over time. I allowed myself to be just as excited about him as they were. I distinctly remember dancing and singing to his music in the car with my girls. I did this ON PURPOSE. I got into their world by being interested in the things they were interested in, and through each season of their lives it has kept me in their world. I’ve taken them to 3 One Direction concerts. If you were there, I was the crazy one in the black suburban chasing “the boys” (my girls and their friends refer to One Direction as “the boys”) from one place to the next. I may or may not be a crazy 1D mom.
Keep your mind young
Stay in tune with trends, fashion, social media, pop culture, music and anything else that teens are interested in. Again, this starts while they are young. Don’t lose that young mind. Parents I can’t stress this enough. It is important! It is a HUGE way for you to relate to them as they grow and mature.
Pray over her
Pray daily for and over your kids. There is absolute power in prayer. I remember when both my girls were infants I would rock them to sleep every single night. It was about a 45 minute (sometimes longer) ritual and one in which I do not regret. It was during those times I prayed for their future lives. I prayed for them as teenagers, young adults and grown women. As they have grown one of my favorite things to do is walk into their room in the wee hours of the morning, kiss their sweet closed eyelids and silently pray over them.
My girls are now 17 and 15. My oldest just graduated High School. I certainly don’t proclaim to have all the answers. I simply want to share with you what I have learned. I AM STILL LEARNING. Our life isn’t perfect and there are times I know that I have failed as a mother. A mother’s heart is like no other, is it not? I wish my daughters could just see inside this mothers heart. Adolescence is hard. Yes it’s hard on us as mothers, but it’s equally hard if not harder on them. We really have no idea what our kids go through on a daily basis at school. I believe that every thing we do for them should be ON PURPOSE. Raise them ON PURPOSE with boldness and courage.
I am convinced that when we are ACTIVELY involved in their lives, they seem to stay out of trouble and make better decisions.When we are ACTIVELY involved in our kids lives, they seem to stay out of trouble&make better… Click To Tweet
You are not alone in your mothering. So many have been where you are RIGHT NOW.
I hope you’re inspired to find ways right now that will foster future involvement in your daughters life as a teen! What can you add to the list?
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