When You Don’t Want to Submit in Marriage.

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Welcome to week#3 of our summer sizzle series! I love this beautiful woman that wrote today’s article. Alison is wise beyond her years. I had the pleasure of meeting her several months ago because she used to live not far from me. Alison is young, but you’d never know it by talking to her. She truly is an inspiration and a gift to me. Whether you’ve been married for 1 year or 20 years, you’ll learn from what she has to say. Sit back, grab that cup of coffee and lean in to her words today!

Submitting in Marriage: When You Stink at it!

You know those days when you learn a huge life lesson and then remember it forever?

This was one of those days.

There is a steady desire within me to submit to my husband. But on this particular day, I peeked over my man’s shoulder and thought, just let me take over, babe.

Our cell phone contract was coming to an end, and my husband wanted to switch to Verizon. Which is no big deal in the slightest except that all cell phone carriers are shockingly expensive.

In my mind, a phone is a phone. You can call and you can text. You can check social media, email and other seemingly important things that, in reality, are not all that important.

So, as my husband was kindly doing all of the heavy lifting by changing our cell phone carrier, these thoughts about cell phones were running through my mind.  He filled the online cart with the required updates and data plan.

Most cart additions he made, I questioned. And if I didn’t outright question it, something was burning fiercely hot in my chest making me want to question it.

Unfortunately, this is my nature.

As my husband took care of our cell phone plan, I kept cringing – both outwardly and in my heart.

Submitting at Marriage: When You Stink at it!

I wanted to submit in my marriage.

I wanted to submit to his decision-making and his leadership. I wanted to be excited that he was dealing with the cell phone people and I didn’t have to do any research. But in my heart, I knew – in that moment and today – that I stink at submitting to my husband.

You see, my husband is my equal – created by God to lead our family and be head over our household. This does not mean that he makes decisions without talking to me, purchases expensive cell phones without a conversation first, or anything of the sort.

But it does mean that, as his wife, I must stand beside him, support him, and serve as his helper – a role that is of equal importance and value to our family.

Eve wasn’t all that submissive either. She wanted to take control, and she did. It didn’t turn out well. The story is right at the beginning of the Scriptures, which is an eye-opening reminder to me that this issue is common, and that trouble submitting as a wife will exist until the day Christ comes back to redeem the earth.

You know Eve’s story. The cunning serpent lied and convinced her to eat the fruit of the one tree in the garden that God told her not to eat. Then, she gave some to Adam. Sin made them brutally aware of their fallenness, so they covered themselves and tried to hide from God. Thus, the first sin took place and humanity – and marriage – has been fallen ever since.

Submitting in marriage was always God’s design.

God designed marriage to be full of honor, friendship, love, and grace. He designed marriage to imitate the gospel, to speak truth to the masses, and to showcase His relationship with the church.

God designed marriage to be full of honor, friendship, love, and grace. @alisontiemeyer Click To Tweet

And, to be harsh but honest, we ruin that all of the time. We choose selfishness and personal gain. In pride, we wish for our opinions to be heard. We want to make decisions and plan our days and live our own way.

Next, comes the part of the story where Eve is told she will stink at submission.

Genesis 3:16: “To the woman He said: ‘I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in pain you will bring forth children; your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” (NKJV)

Desire in this verse points to idolatry. We idolize our husbands over the Lord, or we desire the position and headship of our husbands, or we do both.

Sin came in like a crushing wave and destroyed much of our ability to submit to our husbands well. We still live in sin, meaning we are far from getting this submission thing right.

But we should try anyway.

With our marriages, we should aim to love in gospel-centered ways and to show the world the best possible example of Christ.

So, how do we submit in marriage?

How do we do this?

We worship the Lord when we wish to idolize our husband’s authority.

We worship the Lord when we wish to idolize our husband’s authority. @alisontiemeyer Click To Tweet

This is the root of the issue – our worship. What are we worshipping?

I pray that I’m not worshipping my opinion or the ability to disagree. I also pray that I’m not running after control or choosing distrust in my marriage.

May we run to the cross – leaving idolized authority in the background and jumping into the arms of a worthy Father. He is able to work in us and make us new.

As my husband clicked ‘confirm’ on the new cell-phone plan, I praised. I thanked God for a husband who was willing to research the best carrier, for the ability to pay for a cell-phone plan, and for the countless ways God has blessed us recently.

My issue was never with the cell phone plan. Rather, it was with my own idolatry – I was worshipping my desire for control. I was choosing to question my husband rather than support him as a helper.

So, I stopped and praised. I didn’t do it perfectly. In fact, I barely did it well.

But I fumbled through my brokenness and praised anyway. Try with me?

Alison is a wife, blogger, and Jesus-follower growing in grace and truth daily. She loves coffee in the morning, experimenting in the kitchen, camping with her husband, and reading in a hammock just about anywhere. Her blog – AlisonTiemeyer.com – exists to encourage faithful growth and passionate living. You can find Alison on Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter.

Thank you for reading Alison’s wise words! What are your thoughts? Is it hard for you to submit in marriage? Share in the comments below.

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