My heart has been heavy lately and I can’t quite put my finger on why. I cherish my mornings so much. I am a true morning person. I wake up most mornings around 5:30. 6:00 at the latest. I love it when my house is completely silent and my husband and 2 girls are peacefully sleeping. It is the time when I pray, read my bible and just think. Lately, I have found myself weeping during these times.
I don’t know why.
This is what I do know and thank you for allowing me to share this with you. Every single day I have to pray and seek His face in order to have faith and believe that I have been forgiven for my past failures. I literally don’t know how people make it through life without knowing the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ. I am SO not perfect. Satan has his target on me and knows my weaknesses better than I do. If I let too many days go by without spending time with My Lord I end up drowning in a sea of misery. He has literally made it to where I can not make it without Him. He’s a smartie that Jesus of mine.
There are also times when I am so completely overwhelmed by Jesus’ love for me that I literally weep and weep. Why do I weep? Hey- I’m asking YOU that question. Why? Can you please tell me because I think I know but I’m not sure? I have been literally in my car driving while my two beauties are in the backseat and I just start weeping uncontrollably. The first time they just sat there wide-eyed thinking their Mom had lost it. Hey I myself thought I had lost it. It’s pretty comical looking back on their cute faces. Now they probably just say to themselves, “there she goes again.” The first time this happened I tried to explain to them how Jesus’ love for us is so overwhelming. Like, he loves us and cherishes us so much! I didn’t really know how to explain it. I don’t know if they understood but I have a feeling they did. Actions speak louder than words you guys.
Back to my 50 pound heart – It seems there are relationship struggles all around me. Like, literally all around me. It makes me sad. It makes me depressed. Friendships gone sour. Failed marriages. Work relationships destroyed. I mean WHY. Why God??
I am trying to figure out what God is trying to teach me though all of this because let me tell you this 50 pound heart is WIDE AND OPEN to whatever it is He is teaching me.
John and I went through a really rough patch several years ago that almost destroyed both of us. I don’t think you understand. We were almost LITERALLY destroyed. Today we are walking miracles. Literally. Couples just don’t survive what we survived. But ya know what? We did. We survived. We had to crawl in the dark to realize what it is to stand in the sun and by God we stinking survived.
And you can too. It will be hard as hell, but you CAN survive. YOU CAN!
I thought I’d share some of the pictures of our journey together:
See those eyes? They are love personified. True, deep love. Love that never lets go. Love that forgives and cherishes. Love that is selfless and merciful. I find it so hard to explain the love behind those eyes.
Can I just tell you this?- NEVER LET GO. What ever it may be that you feel slipping away from you- don’t let it go! It is true that some things in life we have to let go of in order for us to move forward. However, there are other things that are WORTH holding on to. Marriage. Family. Dreams. Friends.
Speaking of never letting go- did you know that Jesus NEVER let’s go of us? We let go of Him. His hand is ALWAYS there reaching out for us all we need to do is grab it.
I’m not sure what to do with the 50 pound heart except pray, wait and trust God, love my family and enjoy life. Those are the things I seem to do the best anyway!
So as I end this post I think we can comically agree on 2 basic things:
1)- It’s Labor Day
2)- The word of the day is “literal” or any form of the word “literal,” i.e. literally.
Have the best Labor Day ya’ll and know that I truly love each and every one of you! I know someone needed this post today and I would love it if you told me so through commenting or emailing me at shannongeurin1 at gmail.com. As you know, this always makes me giddy.