The one whom my soul loves…
After a year of planning and hoping and dreaming the day had finally arrived. She in her mother’s wedding dress of Chantilly lace and he in his shiny black tuxedo were just babies at the ages of 19 and 20. They sang love songs and made vows of promise and love and death. All of the anticipation had come to one final conclusion of everlasting love. Then after, they walked hand in hand down the aisle, smiling and waving at friends nearby. When they entered the lobby he swooped all of her up and twirled her around wildly proclaiming, “we did it!” It was beautiful and spontaneous and the joy in that moment was palpable.
That was 25 years ago.
25 years ago today, at this very minute (I am writing this on Tuesday, June 28 and it is exactly 4:51 pm) I was nervous, anxious and hopeful. What would our life be like? What was in our future? What would we face? The questions swarmed around inside my head. I knew what we had was real and I knew that God had placed you in my life and in my heart. Amidst all the questions there was no doubt in my mind that I was doing exactly what God had called me to do. I would love you. I would stand by your side. I would birth our babies. I would walk with you through heart ache and joy. I would die with you and I would live forever with you in heaven.
The last 25 years with you have been a gift to my soul John. I’ve often said that my love for you and all that is in my heart is impossible to explain. I will make a feeble attempt, but forgive me if the words just don’t sound right. “Words” are completely meaningless right now. I can tell you all that is in my heart but no word would EVER be able to express my love for you and for your heart.
Today I was driving and I wanted to hear your voice. I called, knowing that you would be tied up in a meeting. I was hoping you wouldn’t answer. 1.) I knew you would be busy and 2.) I wanted to hear your voice through a long uninterrupted sentence in your voicemail. Instead you answered. You broke away from a conversation to take my call. In your ever so professional work voice (I really love your work voice, by the way) you answered and said, “What’s up babe.” My heart began beating just a little bit faster as we made our way through the conversation.
I am giddy over you. And it’s the little things in life that you do that make me that way.
- When you break away from conversation at work to answer my call.
- When one of the girls says something surprising and you have no idea how to respond and you look my way with wide eyes that say, “HELP.”
- When you ask me if you picked the right shoes for your outfit.
- When you unknowingly bite the insides of your gums while in deep thought.
- When one of the girls asks you for something and you never hesitate.
- When Mercy is so excited can’t hardly handle herself as you walk through the door every night.
- When you simply say, “Shan.”
“Love bears all things, hopes all things, believes all things, and endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:7
That’s a pretty difficult passage of scripture to follow if you really dissect it out. We’ve done it though; wouldn’t you say?
Love bears all things:
We shield me, we protect and we cover. We’ve had some stormy times, love;- but you stood by me; we stood by each other. We bear.
Love believes all things:
We believe in our marriage and we believe in our family. That’s strong. It would’ve been much easier to give up at times, but we stayed the course. We believe.
Love hopes all things:
There was a time when hope was weak and almost been lost. I remember when you would lay your bible out on the kitchen counter for me to see each morning. That mean the world to me…you will never know. We hope.
Love endures all things:
When I look back on our journey, I can’t help but think about the devastating and traumatic time we walked through. I still grieve over it as I know that you do. I think that’s normal. It’s over, it’s in the past, we’ve moved on, and we are genuinely happy. We never quit. We never give up. And we never surrender. We endure.
Happy 25th anniversary to the one whom my soul truly loves.
Wow. Time has flown by like a vapor in the wind. And we’re here. We have two amazingly beautiful daughters who are kind and love big. We have an amazing family who are supportive and loving. Amidst all of those amazing things, we have a God who is the God of the impossible. He mended our completely broken hearts and he made us new.
“If you’ll just stick with me…”
You’ve said that to me from the very beginning at Honor Heights park the day we got engaged.
I’m not going anywhere.
And where you go, I will go. Your God is my God.
I would say we did it; wouldn’t you?
Here’s to 25 more my love.
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