WAIT! That’s the annoying little sound that comes from a pedestrian cross walk pole when you push the button and it’s not time to walk. John, Alex and I spent spring break in New York City. I love NYC. I just absolutely love that place. So many different races and cultures. Anyway, I’ve mastered the cross walks. Even when there isn’t a walk signal, if there aren’t any cars coming I like to go ahead and walk across. I’m mischievous like that. John and Alex are the cute little people that follow the rules. They wait until they get the signal. I’m an impatient person. I don’t like lines and I don’t like to wait. Sometimes, though, it’s necessary. And sometimes it’s more than waiting. Sometimes it’s NO. Don’t go at all. What to do when the answer is No?
What do we do when the answer is “NO!?”
There’s this conference that I’m literally dying to go to.
Oh.My.Gosh. Thinking about it just makes me giddy. I wanna go so STINKING bad.
It’s called She Speaks. It’s a conference that equips woman who have been called to write, speak, &/or lead. It’s a place to connect with other like-minded women who have the same callings. It’s also a place to connect with agents and book publishers. Lysa TerKeurst, founder of P31 ministries is the founder of the conference as well. So, um- hello!? Yeah- who wouldn’t wanna go?
It’s in July, which is the same month that we are moving to Colorado. Now, doesn’t that just
suck stink? Last year I wanted to go so badly, but it just wasn’t the time; and I knew that. I wanted to go….but I really didn’t desire it. Does that make sense? But this year? Oh the desire is strong! This year I had decided I was going to go and I wouldn’t let anything stop me. I knew, that I just knew that I was supposed to go. Then, after we made the decision to move and the time that we would move, I realized that I might not get to go because of the timing.
I prayed about it.
“God. Please let me go this year. You know my heart. You know my desires. Pleeeeaaaassseeeee???? Please say yes?!?!”
I asked Him to show me His will through my husband. I felt that if my husband was not on board with me going that it would not be God’s will. We can’t fulfill God’s will for our life when there is strife or disagreement. God just doesn’t work like that. If John wasn’t on board, and I trust him, than it’s not God’s will. And that’s that. My husband is a very wise man. He speaks truth. He will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. I love that about him. He makes me a better person in so many ways.
So I talked to him about it.
And God said no.
After discussing it, we just decided that it was awful timing. With everything going on in our family right now, it would not be wise. And I knew that. I knew it was poor timing…but I guess I was hoping that I was wrong. I guess I was hoping that we could somehow work it out. As I’m typing this I have tears streaming down my face. I want to go sooooooooo bad because I feel like it will help me so much to fulfill the calling that I believe God has placed on my life. I feel that by not going, I’m putting off another year of learning the tools necessary to help me fulfill my dreams and calling.
It hurt my feelings that God said no.
Doesn’t He know my heart?
Doesn’t He know my desires?
I know He has a plan and I trust Him. Going to this conference is a want. Do I really think that not going is going to halt His call? No. It isn’t. God is bigger than all of that.
And maybe that is what He is trying to show me.
Shannon, I’m bigger than that! I am bigger than that conference!
Fine. Just, fine God.
The last several weeks I’ve felt like I’m on this rollercoaster. One minute I’m sad. Then I’m fine and not thinking about it. Then I’m mad. It’s an array of emotions thinking about how I want to go to this conference so bad. I keep thinking…maybe He’ll change His mind. Maybe it’s a test.
A test! That’s it! Yes it’s a test! Maybe He wants to make sure I will obey Him first, before he allows me to go?
I know what you’re thinking… I’m reaching….
God and I have gone back and forth on this. I argue, and He waits patiently for me to get it all out.
Here’s the thing. When God says no, it’s okay. And sometimes when He does it hurts. That’s okay too. God isn’t afraid of hurting our feelings just like He isn’t afraid for us to have honest conversations with him. He is God and He can handle it! God values our honesty with Him. #honestconversationswithGod Click To Tweet Although I might be mad and sad, at the end of the day I trust Him. I believe Him. I take Him at His word. I may not be happy about it, but I will take Him at His word.
What about you? Has God told you no to something you so desperately wanted? How did you react? What did you do? Did it hurt your feelings? Do you feel like you can have an honest conversation with Him? If not, why? Share in the comments below!
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