Salt & Light Link-Up


Hey there! So glad you’re here for this week’s link-up. You can read today’s feature over at Married by His Grace. Enjoy reading!

How to Fight for Your Broken Marriage


There’s a question that I get asked often, and I’ve been asked so many times over the last couple of years, that my answers lately have seemed canned and monotonous.  This week it’s as if God sucker-punched me when I received an email from a reader. I get many emails a week, and this one was different, yet just like the many I’ve recieved. The writer of the email had a desperate tone. She was hopeless and in despair over her marriage. I could relate. I remembered. The writer was me, but it wasn’t me at all. The question that she asked is this:

What steps did you take to repair your broken marriage?

It’s a loaded question and one that has a plethora of answers. The honest answer is this: there is no magic formula to repairing a broken marriage. I wish there was. I wish we could just snap our fingers and poof, things would be better.

Repairing and restoring a broken marriage is hard, that’s why we need God. Without Him, it’s almost impossible. Actually, I want to take the “almost” out. It’s impossible to restore a broken marriage without Him.

Fix your broken marriage. Is your marriage broken? Is so broken that you think it's beyond repair? Here are 10 important steps that you can take to fix your broken marriage.Hear me.

You can repair your marriage without Him. But a restored marriage? It’s impossible to have a restored marriage without God.

You can repair a #marriage, but it can't be restored without God! #fiercelyHis Click To Tweet

You need Him, my friend. Oh, how we need Him.

As I was talking to my husband this weekend, I thought I’d see what response he’d give. So I asked him:

How would you encourage others to fight for their broken marriage? When you were at your most desperate moment, how did you do it? How did you fight for us?

He laid back in the creamy white chair while his brown eyes went up to the ceiling and he focused his thoughts. He looked over at me with a passion and eagerness and said this:

Focus on the person you’re fighting FOR, not the person your fighting WITH.

Well, there ya go. That.will.preach. WOW. As I say quite often, HOLLA! That’s powerful, friends.

In marriage, focus on the person you're fighting FOR, not on the person you're fighting WITH.… Click To Tweet

You get what he’s saying, right? Let me explain from my perspective.

After my husband found out about my affair it was important that he focus on the person he married, not the person who I had become because of the affair. Sin had crept its way into my heart and turned me into someone I wasn’t. I’m so thankful for the wisdom of my husband and that he could see that. It was such an emotional time for us, but it was important that he take emotion out of it and see the truth of who the person was that he married.

Fix your broken marriage. Is your marriage broken? Is so broken that you think it's beyond repair? Here are 10 important steps that you can take to fix your broken marriage.

As we continued our conversation, we listed 9 other ways to fight for your broken marriage.

  • Choose your words wisely because you can’t take them back. You can apologize, but they’ll always be there. I know this is hard. When others hurt us, we want to hurl emotion-filled words their way. It feels good, right. But the thing is, it’s not.

Proverbs 10:19 – Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. 

So, shut yo mouth, my friend. Shut it. Save those words for when you’re alone in your car, and then cuss and curse the devil…because that’s who your fighting against. We fight not against flesh and blood but the dark forces around us. This scripture isn’t only for that annoying co-worker that is trying to get your job, or that one friend who tries to one-up you at every turn. It’s as much or more for your spouse.

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places” Ephesians 6:12.

Girl- get those gloves out and punch that devil in the FACE.


  • Limit the people around you to those that support your decision to work on your marriage. This may sound surprising, but you don’t need people in your life that will take your side; you need unbiased support and those who can look at the bigger picture. Lordy, my husband had the reason of all reasons to shun and divorce me. His friends wouldn’t have blamed him. In fact, I’m sure some of them wanted to tell him to do that exact thing. Be careful around those types of friends and family who don’t use wisdom in their words to you.


  • By all means, seek professional, Christian counseling. This was HUGE for our restoration. If you don’t know any counselors in your area, call a church in your area and ask for referrals. You can do this anonymously.

…a wise man listens to counsel –Proverbs 12:15


  • Honor the vow you took, “for better or worse.” Are you going through “the worse?” What’s your worse? Whatever it is that has caused your marriage to be broken, that’s your worse. I know what you’re thinking. An eye for an eye. Oh friend, this is hard, I know. But the reward you will be given…


  • Rely on biblical logic, not emotional, “knee-jerk” reactions.

Proverbs 3:5-7 -Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, He will show you the right path to take. Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.


  • Remember the good times you had before this happened, and fight for them. Fight for the good times! As me and John were brainstorming this list, he said “I didn’t want to throw away our good times, I didn’t want to give them up.”

Fight for the good times!


  • Pray. I know this seems so typical. But it’s not what you pray, it’s how. It’s not the quantity of your prayers, it’s the quality. I’m not saying that praying often isn’t necessary because it most definitely is. Let me explain. Sometimes when our marriage is so broken we don’t know how to pray. Not only that, if we’re honest, we may not even want to pray. You don’t have to pray big, eloquent prayers. God hears our prayers, period. No matter how small or simple.

When you wake up every morning, say this prayer to God, and mean it. “God, please help me through this day. Give me wisdom.” And at the end of the day, say this, “Thank you God for this day.”

These prayers seem simple and short, yes. The reason I encourage this is these simple prayers above can be life-changing, when you mean them. Remember: quality.


  • If your marriage is broken, this is so important: don’t compare your marriage to others’ marriage. Know that every marriage has had or will have struggles. It’s just life. If you see another couple that seems so happy, don’t compare your marriage to theirs. (Who knows what they’ve gone through, or will go through.) When you compare, it puts too great of expectations on your own marriage and it just isn’t healthy. Focus on your own marriage. 


  • Know that your broken marriage will more than likely not be repaired overnight. Working at marriage is hard work. It’s not for the weak. But it’s the most rewarding. If you put the hard work into restoring your broken marriage, you will, in turn, be rewarded with a happy, authentic, lovely marriage. Take one day at a time.

One of my favorite resources for restoring broken marriages is Marriage Today by Jimmy Evans. We love Jimmy Evans because he’s practical, in your face, and he speaks truth. Those three things are super important!

I also love Fierce Marriage with Ryan and Selena Frederick. Their website that is a wealth of information plus they have two books that have been published.

Have you received my FREE eBook yet?

What are some other ways to restore a broken marriage? Be sure and let me know you’re thoughts in the comments below. Also, would you share this article with a friend! It’s easy, just click on the share links at the bottom of this post. Have a great week, friend!






Check out these other great posts:

Encouraging Others


Happy Thursday!

Today’s feature is Misty Phillip of By His Grace. I love how Misty inspires others by encouraging them that they were made for more. Be sure and check Misty’s post out before reading or linking up!

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4 Things to Remember When You’ve Made Mistakes in Marriage


Oh, how I get you. If you work from home, you’re probably still in your PJ’s and your hair is up in a messy bun because you’re on day 5 of no shower. If you work outside the home, the fake smile that is plastered on your face can’t stay much longer and soon people are going to start wondering what’s up.

There’s an unwelcome tension that seems to linger between you and your husband and you don’t know how to fix it. You’re certain that this time, he’ll call it quits and honestly although it’s heartbreaking, you hope he does because you can’t fathom another week of feeling so worthless.

You’re tired, you feel hopeless and your self-esteem is at an all-time low. You’ve given up trying to be the good wife, because the fact is, you’re not good.

John and I have been married for over 26 years. We’ve had happy times and we’ve had tumultuous times. There have been times when I didn’t know if we’d make it to the next day. Heck, there have been times when I didn’t know if I would make it to the next day. Being hit by a car in a freak accident seemed my only way out and honestly my only hope because I felt so worthless. Everyone would be better off without me anyway.

Yep, I had a case of the “me’s.”

You know what I’m talking about. I was so wrapped up in what I had done that I had made it all about me, when the reality is, after I repented God forgave me and it stopped being about me.

Satan loves the mistakes women make and uses them as a launching pad to bring down the family.

But enough about him. This is what I want you to know:

First of all, you’re not defined by your mistakes, you’re defined by His grace.

Did you catch that? 

You are not defined by your mistake, you are defined by HIS GRACE. #fiercelyHis Click To Tweet

You’re defined by His grace.

Jesus came to save you. Not only that, he died a horrific death on the cross for you. You get that, right?

So, let’s get some things out-of-the-way and kick the elephant (I hate elephants) that’s in the room square in the teeth.

I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right. You shouldn’t have been so stupid. And yes, you should’ve made better choices. What were you thinking?

I mean those are the things you’re asking yourself, right? Because they’re all valid questions. I asked myself those same questions more than a dozen times.

I want you to imagine this: imagine God the father is gathering your face in His massive palms, and He’s looking intently into your beautiful eyes as he says this to you:

“I’ll restore the relationship we had when you were young, only this time it will be better. It will last forever, and nothing will lure you away from me again. You’ll remember your past life and face the shame of it, but when I shower you with the good life you had as before it will make your shame fade from your memory. Don’t try to fix it. I’ll fix it for you. I’ll make everything right after all you’ve done, and it will leave you speechless.” Ezekiel 16:60-63 (modified from MSG)

In this passage, He’s talking to the people of Judah, who turned from God and acted horribly. But, since we serve a God of grace, He was ready to bless them if they turned from their evil ways. And not only that, He’s gonna fix it for them. WOW.

There is so much hope found in those verses. He’ll restore you, it will be forever, the shame will be wiped away, God will make everything right, and you’ll be speechless.

What hope!

So, no, you’re not good. None of us are good. Not on our own at least.

We can’t fix it on our own. For far too long, you’ve tried to fix it on your own, because that’s what you do, right? When your daughter has a dirty diaper, you fix it. When she’s hungry, you fix it. When every member of the family is coming down with the cold, you fix it. When you feel you’ve made too many mistakes in marriage, or you feel your mistake is too big, YOU try to fix it.

And isn’t that the problem?

When are you going to stop trying to do things on your own? Can’t you see that you have a Father who is longing…literally, longing for you to turn to Him?

Mistakes Women Make Marriage #mistakes #marriage


4 things to remember when you've made mistakes in marriage. #fiercelyhis Click To Tweet

Here are 4 things to remember when you’ve made mistakes in marriage:

  • Your identity is in Jesus Christ.

Your identity isn’t found in how you wife or how you mother, how you friend or how you volunteer. Your identity is found in Him. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about you, and it’s all about Him.

Let’s talk about Paul for a moment. The man was the sinner of all sinners. He verbally abused people, harassed and oppressed them, and was a violent aggressor. But God wanted Him. Just like He wants you. Jesus Christ thought to himself, yep, he’s the one I’m going to use to bring thousands to me. He didn’t decide to use him after his conversion but BEFORE. He appeared to Paul when he was at his worst and changed his life.

After a while, when Paul got thrown in prison for the cause of Christ he wrote this:

“I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,  I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Philippians 3:13-14

I know it’s hard. Moving past our mistakes is grueling. God is in pursuit of you, my friend. Passionate pursuit. No matter what you’ve done. No matter how big or how small you feel it is, it’s neither in His eyes. Repent, ask for forgiveness and move on; forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.

  • Accept grace.

I wrote not too long ago about accepting God’s grace. You’ve gotta do it. When you live in your mistakes, it puts a wall between you and God. It’s like Grace is right there, waiting for acceptance so that it can give you freedom.

  • Accept forgiveness.

If your husband has not forgiven you, then that’s a huge barrier to moving past your mistakes and marital counseling is a must. But for the sake of this post, I’m assuming that he has and you’ve got to accept his forgiveness. You’ve also got to accept Gods forgiveness. I know it’s heavy. The weight of the mistake is almost unbearable, but since when are you the judge? Accept forgiveness from the one who went through miserable pain FOR YOU!

  • Be real.

We have to acknowledge our mistake. We have to be real. We have to literally offer our heart to God and show Him. It’s the act. He sees it before we even show Him but it’s the act of showing Him. If we do this it changes us.

  • Soak in the truth.

Soak in the truth of God’s word. Like, marinate in His word.

Girl, you are NEW. The old is gone and you are NEW because of Jesus! “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17  

Christ has set you free, so walk in freedom! “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36 

You are no longer under the weight of your sin, because of Grace! “For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.” Romans 6:14

As I tell my girls: Chin up, buttercup. There’s more to this life than your mistake. So much more!


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Difficult Relationships & Salt and Light


Hi, Friends!

Today is going to be short and sweet but I’m so excited to feature Gretchen Flemming for today’s #SaltandLightLinkUp. Gretchen shares about difficult relationships, something we all can relate to at some point or another. Be sure and check out her article before linking up.

Grace: The One Thing That Never Changes




I mean, who likes change? Whether you’re fine with it or not, change sometimes just sucks, let’s be honest.

But I love this truth from today’s feature, Sarah.

Grace never changes. It's the one thing that never changes in our lives. #grace #changeWhen the season’s of life change, God’s grace remains. When the winds of change blow, God’s grace remains. When we are on the ground, fearful of the future and weary from the past, God’s grace whispers, “Get up and fight.”

She continues, “The only way to thrive in seasons of change is to carry God’s grace with us.

The key here is grace. It never changes. What would we do without His grace?
I’ve written before about the change our family went through last year. We’ve been in Colorado for over a year now, and although there have been tough seasons, I can see God’s grace through it all. Even though some things haven’t turned out the way we would like, we still see God’s hand and we hold on to His promises.
And just like Sarah says, the one thing that never changes is His grace.
Averee was plucked out of everything she knew, yet God’s grace has been unending. Although life for her is very different now, she’s grown so much here and it’s only because of Grace.
Grace. You know, it’s really the sum of all equations.
The end-all of everything.
After everything we’ve gone through in life; every single bit of it, grace is the only constant.
I’m so grateful for his Grace, aren’t you?

Stop Saying “I Can’t Forgive Myself”


“How do I forgive myself?”

What I did was too bad. My sin was just too big and I can’t forgive myself.”

Oh, girl. I get you, I really do. I’ve said that exact phrase so many times I’ve lost count. It wasn’t until a couple years ago that my eyes were opened and I finally understood.

The bottom line is this: I can’t find any where in the bible that tells me I have to forgive myself. More over, it doesn’t even make sense. In order to forgive there has to be an offender and a victim. By saying “I can’t forgive myself,” you’re basically calling yourself an offender and a victim. Isn’t that ironic?

So, why do you feel like you can’t forgive yourself?

1.) You feel your sin is too great. (Where sin increased, grace was greater. Romans 5:20)

2.) You can’t let go of what you’ve done. (Forget the past, He is doing a new thing!
Isaiah 43:18-19)

3.) You feel like you are’t good enough. (Oh friend, you were bought with a price!
1 Corinthians 6:20)

4.) You allow shame to protect you. (Because of Jesus, shame has no power over you!
Hebrews 12:2)

But can we talk about the real issue?

The issue of Grace.

I recently asked this question on the Fiercely His facebook page: 

What is your definition of grace?

Although there were many responses, there was one over-arching theme. Grace is getting something that you do not deserve.

I’ve been studying Grace a lot lately. I’ve been listening to as many podcasts as possible, reading as many books as I can, and searching the word grace online and it’s synonyms every time I get a chance.

(And speaking of podcasts, I was delighted to be a guest on the Happy Playces podcast where I shared my story. If you missed it you can click here!)

Here’s what I’ve found regarding grace.

Grace is a gift. A gift that’s freely earned and freely given.

Have you ever received a gift from someone but didn’t want to open it up? No? Neither have I, because the reality is, we all love receiving gifts. It makes us feel loved and considered.

And isn’t that just like grace?

His grace is all we need and it’s more than sufficient.

How Do I Forgive Myself?

When you feel you can’t forgive yourself.

When we sin, think we aren’t worthy of grace. We want to “earn our way,” so-to-speak. But here’s the thing:

we can’t control grace.
We can’t put grace it in a box.
We can’t navigate grace.
And most of all, we can’t outrun grace. 

So, if you’re struggling to forgive yourself, perhaps what you’re really doing is struggling to accept grace. And when you can’t accept grace, you’re basically saying that the cross, and how Christ died for you isn’t enough and that it means nothing. And my friend, I just don’t believe you really feel that way. So, what’s left then? Nothing, except to accept His grace!

Your sin is not greater than God’s grace.

So stop saying, “I can’t forgive myself.” Because no, you can’t. It’s not even possible. But you can accept His grace. You can lift your head, rise up, and accept His grace. Girl, my hands are holding your face, I’m looking square in your eyes, and I’m telling you- ACCEPT HIS GRACE.

Here are things you can do to accept grace:

  • Love God authentically for who He is, not for what he has or hasn’t done.
  • Join a bible study group. This has encouraged me dramatically over the years.
  • Listen to worship music while you’re cleaning, in your car, exercising, etc.
  • Strategically set aside time to read the bible and do a devotion. I do mine in the morning when my house is quiet.
  • Cry out to Him and tell Him thank you!
  • Realize that Jesus IS grace, always has been and always will be.

Grace is greater than your mistake, it’s greater than your circumstance, it’s greater than your hurt, and it’s greater than your weakness.

You don’t have to look for grace because it’s already found you.

You don't have to look for grace because it's already found you. #fiercelyhis #grace Click To Tweet

When we come to the end of ourselves and fully rely on Christ, we gain life. We gain life because we’ve lost it. Grace becomes real, and the gospel message starts to make sense.

Not one of us deserves His grace. And as much as I try to argue that away, nothing can take away from the fact that He bore a horrendous death because of me and because of you. The scandal of our sin was replaced by the scandal of the cross. He meets us at the bottom, right where we’re at and pulls us out of the ditch.

The scandal of our sin was replaced by the scandal of the cross. #fiercelyhis #grace Click To Tweet

Accept His grace, friend. It’s his gift to you, and I imagine it has a beautiful bow on it with your name beautifully hand-written on the tag.

His grace is a gift, and your name has been beautifully hand-written on the tag. #fiercelyhis… Click To Tweet

Before I go, have you heard about my FREE Fight for Your Calling 5-day email challenge? You have a calling, friend! Find out more here.

Are you, or have you ever had a hard time forgiving yourself? Could it be that you haven’t accepted HIs grace? Leave your thoughts in the comments!


Trusting God Amidst the Storm


Trusting God amidst the stormOne of the things I love about America is that she fights. Her spirit is brave. When disasters strike she stands tall, firm, and she survives. But hurricane’s Harvey and Irma certainly left their crushing, devastating mark on the residents of Houston, Florida and the Caribbean, didn’t they? I, like many others who don’t live near the affected areas watched the television in horror at the aftermath. Homes filled with water, debris, and sewage. Lives seemingly destroyed.

I don’t know why but I know there is a God. I also know that we can trust Him, even when it seems He has failed us.

I don't know why but I know there is a God. #hurricaneHarvey #hurricaneIrma #saltandlightlinkup Click To Tweet

Amidst all of the differences of opinion, America still unites. It’s just what we do. I’m so proud to be an American.

One of my dear blogging friends lives on the British Virgin Islands. This beautiful land was practically swept away. Marva and her family is safe, praise God. If you watched my Facebook live video last week, you know that there is a Go Fund Me page for her family. Here is the video in case you missed it!

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Today’s feature is from Robin of Robinality. Her website brings me such joy. It’s bright, fun and different, and I love it. Robin lives in Florida, but wasn’t affected as badly as many. She reminds us of the calming power of Jesus in the midst of the storm. Her tribute here is lovely. Please check it out.

Join us for some salt and light over at #saltandlightlinkup today! Click To Tweet

Grace: The Right Way



It’s my very favorite-ist of all favorites. I love today’s feature so much because Michelle talks about grace so beautifully.

“The Bible says they’ll know us by our love for one another. I want to be that person. I want to be the one like I’ve heard myself saying of them, “this person has to be a Christian.” There’s no other explanation for their behavior. For their clear love for people.”- Michelle Skillern

We should all strive to be that kind of person, Michelle because honestly, our world just needs grace. We all do. I hope you’ll check out Michelle’s article on “50 Shades of Grace” before reading or linking up!

A woman and her calling.


No matter what we’ve been through, or what we face, every woman has a calling. Not only does she having a calling, she has it within her to be FIERCE about that calling so that she can be the woman that she was designed to be.

The woman this world needs her to be.

The decision is YOURS.

Step out of that comfort zone, and into His boldness. Because with His courage, you can make wise choices to change your circumstances. You CAN be fierce, knowing he has given you a beautiful purpose.

A woman and her calling.

Women are naturally mama bears, whether we have children or not. We protect what is ours. We are fierce, and we typically won’t let anything stand in our way. Except, when it comes to our person. When it comes to our person, we generally put it on the backburner. I’m challenging you to do something different. I’m challenging you to be FIERCE about that calling that God has placed within you.

A woman and her calling. Fight for your calling. YOU are called.

I’ve said this before many times; I believe with my whole heart that God is building a generation of woman who KNOW how to fight. And in order to KNOW how to fight, you gotta grab that calling and do.  Because listen: there is no force more powerful than a God-chasing woman determined to rise.

There is no force more powerful than a God-chasing woman determined to rise. #Youarecalled… Click To Tweet

I’m passionate about seeing women rise up into their beautiful purpose and calling. I’m so excited to introduce you to a powerful, 5-day challenge,

“Fight for your Calling.”

In this challenge, you will be empowered to:

  • Eliminate distractions and renew your mind.
  • Envision the God-sized calling that is inside of you.
  • Punch “call-blockers” in the face- for good!
  • Realize that giving up is not an option.
  • Rise up, fight for that calling and never let go.A woman and her calling. Fight for your calling. YOU are called.

When you sign up, you’ll be sent a welcome email, and then after that, you’ll receive 5 emails, 1 every other day so you can keep up.  So, grab a pen and paper or journal and be prepared to jot down some notes and start walking in your calling!

And I’ve gotta tell ya, as I was writing this challenge I struggled. I felt like attacks were coming at me from every side, and I didn’t even realize what it was until I sat down with a sweet friend and began sharing with her. I realized that it was a spiritual attack so even though I wrote the words, I’ll be challenging myself right along with you as we do this together!

Sign up for the 5-Day “Fight for your Calling” Challenge here!

Love, love, love you!







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