4 Things to Remember When You’ve Made Mistakes in Marriage


Oh, how I get you. If you work from home, you’re probably still in your PJ’s and your hair is up in a messy bun because you’re on day 5 of no shower. If you work outside the home, the fake smile that is plastered on your face can’t stay much longer and soon people are going to start wondering what’s up.

There’s an unwelcome tension that seems to linger between you and your husband and you don’t know how to fix it. You’re certain that this time, he’ll call it quits and honestly although it’s heartbreaking, you hope he does because you can’t fathom another week of feeling so worthless.

You’re tired, you feel hopeless and your self-esteem is at an all-time low. You’ve given up trying to be the good wife, because the fact is, you’re not good.

John and I have been married for over 26 years. We’ve had happy times and we’ve had tumultuous times. There have been times when I didn’t know if we’d make it to the next day. Heck, there have been times when I didn’t know if I would make it to the next day. Being hit by a car in a freak accident seemed my only way out and honestly my only hope because I felt so worthless. Everyone would be better off without me anyway.

Yep, I had a case of the “me’s.”

You know what I’m talking about. I was so wrapped up in what I had done that I had made it all about me, when the reality is, after I repented God forgave me and it stopped being about me.

Satan loves the mistakes women make and uses them as a launching pad to bring down the family.

But enough about him. This is what I want you to know:

First of all, you’re not defined by your mistakes, you’re defined by His grace.

Did you catch that? 

You are not defined by your mistake, you are defined by HIS GRACE. #fiercelyHis Click To Tweet

You’re defined by His grace.

Jesus came to save you. Not only that, he died a horrific death on the cross for you. You get that, right?

So, let’s get some things out-of-the-way and kick the elephant (I hate elephants) that’s in the room square in the teeth.

I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right. You shouldn’t have been so stupid. And yes, you should’ve made better choices. What were you thinking?

I mean those are the things you’re asking yourself, right? Because they’re all valid questions. I asked myself those same questions more than a dozen times.

I want you to imagine this: imagine God the father is gathering your face in His massive palms, and He’s looking intently into your beautiful eyes as he says this to you:

“I’ll restore the relationship we had when you were young, only this time it will be better. It will last forever, and nothing will lure you away from me again. You’ll remember your past life and face the shame of it, but when I shower you with the good life you had as before it will make your shame fade from your memory. Don’t try to fix it. I’ll fix it for you. I’ll make everything right after all you’ve done, and it will leave you speechless.” Ezekiel 16:60-63 (modified from MSG)

In this passage, He’s talking to the people of Judah, who turned from God and acted horribly. But, since we serve a God of grace, He was ready to bless them if they turned from their evil ways. And not only that, He’s gonna fix it for them. WOW.

There is so much hope found in those verses. He’ll restore you, it will be forever, the shame will be wiped away, God will make everything right, and you’ll be speechless.

What hope!

So, no, you’re not good. None of us are good. Not on our own at least.

We can’t fix it on our own. For far too long, you’ve tried to fix it on your own, because that’s what you do, right? When your daughter has a dirty diaper, you fix it. When she’s hungry, you fix it. When every member of the family is coming down with the cold, you fix it. When you feel you’ve made too many mistakes in marriage, or you feel your mistake is too big, YOU try to fix it.

And isn’t that the problem?

When are you going to stop trying to do things on your own? Can’t you see that you have a Father who is longing…literally, longing for you to turn to Him?

Mistakes Women Make Marriage #mistakes #marriage


4 things to remember when you've made mistakes in marriage. #fiercelyhis Click To Tweet

Here are 4 things to remember when you’ve made mistakes in marriage:

  • Your identity is in Jesus Christ.

Your identity isn’t found in how you wife or how you mother, how you friend or how you volunteer. Your identity is found in Him. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about you, and it’s all about Him.

Let’s talk about Paul for a moment. The man was the sinner of all sinners. He verbally abused people, harassed and oppressed them, and was a violent aggressor. But God wanted Him. Just like He wants you. Jesus Christ thought to himself, yep, he’s the one I’m going to use to bring thousands to me. He didn’t decide to use him after his conversion but BEFORE. He appeared to Paul when he was at his worst and changed his life.

After a while, when Paul got thrown in prison for the cause of Christ he wrote this:

“I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,  I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Philippians 3:13-14

I know it’s hard. Moving past our mistakes is grueling. God is in pursuit of you, my friend. Passionate pursuit. No matter what you’ve done. No matter how big or how small you feel it is, it’s neither in His eyes. Repent, ask for forgiveness and move on; forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.

  • Accept grace.

I wrote not too long ago about accepting God’s grace. You’ve gotta do it. When you live in your mistakes, it puts a wall between you and God. It’s like Grace is right there, waiting for acceptance so that it can give you freedom.

  • Accept forgiveness.

If your husband has not forgiven you, then that’s a huge barrier to moving past your mistakes and marital counseling is a must. But for the sake of this post, I’m assuming that he has and you’ve got to accept his forgiveness. You’ve also got to accept Gods forgiveness. I know it’s heavy. The weight of the mistake is almost unbearable, but since when are you the judge? Accept forgiveness from the one who went through miserable pain FOR YOU!

  • Be real.

We have to acknowledge our mistake. We have to be real. We have to literally offer our heart to God and show Him. It’s the act. He sees it before we even show Him but it’s the act of showing Him. If we do this it changes us.

  • Soak in the truth.

Soak in the truth of God’s word. Like, marinate in His word.

Girl, you are NEW. The old is gone and you are NEW because of Jesus! “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17  

Christ has set you free, so walk in freedom! “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36 

You are no longer under the weight of your sin, because of Grace! “For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.” Romans 6:14

As I tell my girls: Chin up, buttercup. There’s more to this life than your mistake. So much more!


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  1. Trust is something that has an immense importance in any relationship. I liked what you said under being real and accepting forgiveness.

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