How I Fight to Keep my Marriage Strong|{Fiercely His #7)

I’m honored to bring Valerie to you today, talking about one of my dearest and nearest topics. Marriage. I met Valerie through the blogging community and she is a pure blessing to me. I love how authentic Valerie is and the practical wisdom and advice that she offers, plus she is an absolute gem.

We have to fight for our marriage. Fight the good fight of the faith, and take hold of the eternal life to which we have been called when we made our good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

How I Fight To Keep My Marriage Strong

I’ve been married to my best friend for 20 years! And friends, let me tell you, our marriage hasn’t been easy! It’s been hard work. There have been times when I honestly didn’t know if we would last. Times when I just wanted to give up because it was hard and painful.

But now I’m so thankful for the healing I see when I look back. I see how through time our marriage has grown and is still growing. Through time, brokenness finds healing, a heart learns to trust again and true redemption is possible.

God has been the glue that keeps my marriage together. I love the triangle graphic. The top of the triangle is God and the sides are the husband and wife. As each spouse grows closer to God, they, in turn, grow closer to each other.

And in order to stay close to the Lord, we need to fight the good fight of faith. We need to pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.

The Bible says in 1 Timothy 6:12:

“Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”

I believe we need to do the same for our marriages.

And so I’ve learned over the course of my marriage when hard times come, I get ready to do battle. Battle for my marriage. Battle for my faith. Here are some ways I’ve learned to fight for my marriage.

Here are ways 7 to FIGHT in order to keep your marriage strong:

Know who the real enemy is.

And it’s usually not my spouse (even when I feel like it is..but I’ll get to that later…)

Ephesians 6:12 tells us that our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces of evil.

Satan loves to divide a husband and wife. #fiercelyHis @cordof6#fightforyourmarriage Click To Tweet

When we understand those unseen forces at work, we can see the problem through a different lens.

And since my husband and I both love the Lord, this usually brings us back together.

Prayer is our most powerful weapon.

We must know who the real enemy is and put on the armor of God.

Pray for yourself.

Read the Word.

Pray scripture verses over your marriage.

Make a prayer journal and pray over every area of your marriage. I have seen God work little miracles in my everyday life in my relationship with my husband through the power of prayer.

Make sure your marriage is healthy.

Every marriage will have it’s problems. The Bible encourages us to seek counsel when we’re struggling. Sometimes we just need the support of others to lead and guide us when we don’t know what to do, how to forgive, or how to change. Often we come to a place where we need outside help for issues we can’t resolve on our own. If you are at a place in your marriage where you just can’t communicate or get along, seek counsel.

Do everything you can to get your marriage to a healthy place. God will help you.

*A spouse who is being abused can try their best to be a peacemaker and forgive but the problems just persist. The marriage needs outside help. Please get help and remove yourself from harm. Abuse of any kind goes against all that God is, and you are not required to take it.

In marriage when hard times come, you must ready to do battle. Battle for your marriage and battle for my faith. Here are ways to help you fight to keep your marriage strong!

Don’t let your feelings control you.

Feelings, whoa oh feelings…. Boy, can they paint a bleak picture and cause you to see your life through a dim cloud of despair. Feelings can fool us into making all kinds of assumptions. There have been days when I felt like my husband was THE enemy (as mentioned above). I could only see him through my negative lens.

And then a few days would pass and those feelings would fade and I’d begin to see the bigger picture of reality. My husband loves me. He cares for me. But sometimes I convince myself that he doesn’t.

I’ve learned to appreciate my husband’s differences and understand the way he shows love.

Stand firm in who you are in Christ.

When my husband disagrees with my opinion on something or is critical of me, I don’t need to let it affect how I feel about myself. Because I know the truth of who I am in Christ.

I stand firm in the fact that the love of Christ completes me.

I don’t need my husband to show love to me in a certain way anymore in order to feel complete, because, for one, I know my husband loves me….and I also know that I’m completely loved by Christ.

Give grace.

I’m humbled when I remember the grace that God has shown me. I’m humbled when my husband shows me grace and forgives me. And sometimes I realize I don’t give grace as I should.

God’s grace has allowed the power of forgiveness and continued restoration to take place in my marriage.

God’s grace gives us the power of the Holy Spirit to love as Christ loved us. And that kind of love can help restore a marriage.


This is huge. Forgiveness occurs every single day. We are two imperfect people. We sin. We fail. We disappoint.

Maybe you’ve been wronged and your spouse isn’t repentant. I’m so sorry for your pain. Bring it to the Lord. Find counsel. God can change hearts. He gives us wisdom when we don’t know how to handle a situation. All we have to do is ask.

I’ve learned forgiveness doesn’t mean you don’t work for restoration. It doesn’t mean you ignore problems that need solving.

Forgiveness means you work to restore brokenness.

Forgiveness means you work to restore brokenness. #fiercelyHis @cordof6 #marriage Click To Tweet

It’s part of the good fight to make our marriage strong. I know this may not be possible for every marriage…but I do believe if both partners are willing to fiercely fight for their marriage God can redeem.

In marriage when hard times come, you must ready to do battle. Battle for your marriage and battle for my faith. Here are ways to help you fight to keep your marriage strong!

God created marriage to be a beautiful companionship. But sometimes we need to fight for it.

God created marriage to be a beautiful companionship. #fiercelyHis @cordof6 Click To Tweet

You may be interested to read His and Her Tips to Keep Your Marriage Strong10 Essentials for a Lasting Marriage and How Conflict Sanctifies.

Valerie is a fighter! #fiercelyHis

Bio Pic


Valerie Murray is a wife of 20 years and a busy mom to 4 energetic children. She writes at Cord of 6 about keeping family strong through Christ. Her heart’s desire is to offer hope to others and declare the glory of God in her life through her writing. Her mission is to offer encouragement to struggling marriages, overwhelmed moms and people striving to face their fears and know their worth. Coffee, chocolate, and a good movie always make her happy! You can find her on Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, StumbleUpon & Google+.

I love hearing from you! Please take a minute to say ‘hey!’ and share your thoughts below. Is there something I can pray with you about? Please let me know and I’ll pray!

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  1. heather says:

    Dear Valerie- we did indeed reinforce the same message this week! Love when the spirit moves us all in the same direction! God has shown me these past few weeks just how faithful he is when I remember to PRAY for my marriage- and my spouse. We just can’t leave it to chance. Hard work but so worth it. Your pictures, colors and layout are beautiful and I’m so glad to have connected with you! And thanks to Shannon for sharing your wise words! Blessings on you ladies! ♥

  2. Valerie says:

    Hi Heather!

    I loved your post! You’re so right–we just can’t leave it to chance. Thank you for your kind words. I wish I could take credit for the images but they are the beautiful work of Shannon. Her images always draw me into her blog and her words make me want to stay all day! It’s a blessing to meet you, Heather!

  3. Prayer is most definitely our best weapon! I used to nag my hubby but then I realized that that wasn’t healthy for either of us. When I backed off and prayed instead, things finally began to change. God is so good!

    • Shannon says:

      Lauren- why is it that we tend to “nag?” Is it like a thing that we’re born with or what?? I have to work at backing off too…and trust my husband!

  4. Ruthie Gray says:

    Forgiveness means we work to restore brokenness – amen! We have to give grace, even though we so badly want them to see it our way.

    I’ve had my ups and downs in marriage too, everyone has and no one is exempt. We truly do have to fight for it! And I loved your point about recognizing who the REAL enemy is – that puts it into perspective better than anything else.

    Great post, my friend! Thanks for sharing it with us on Tuesday Talk!

  5. Thanks for sharing such biblically wise and practical advice. Marriage is so important in God’s economy. That’s why our enemy fights so hard to destroy it! Blessings!

  6. Kerry Swanson says:

    Beautiful article! I feel like this is good advice for any relationship. So often I think it’s the enemy wishing to ruin something good when we struggle with someone we love.

    Please pray for me in my journey! In Him, we can conquer all difficulties and be victorious.

    • Shannon says:

      Kerry- I thought it was a beautiful article too. Valerie is so gifted! And you’re so right..that stupid devil..He’ll do anything to ruin relationships, won’t he?? I am praying for you right now!

  7. Becca says:

    I love this article. It is so true that it really is a fight. Sometimes it’s a fight daily. We have had a lot of struggles in our short marriage and it’s encouraging to read your words and be reminded of the fight. I love the fight because I love my husband. I fight with prayer. I tried other ways and it doesn’t work so I just gave in to letting God handle it. Thank you.

  8. Merlisa says:

    Hi how’s everyone doing. But what if my partner doesn’t want to fight. What to do? I need Godly women advice you know not negative advice.

  9. […] would love for you to read the rest of this post at my friend Shannon Geurin’s blog where I share some ways I’ve learned to fight for my […]

  10. Liz says:

    Such great advice! I’ll be sharing this as part of my Messy Marriage series and study! Blessings!

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