How to Really Have it All


I’m so excited to bring you my friend Marva. Marva blogs over at Sun Sparkle Shine, and she truly does sparkle. She is from the Brittish Virgin Islands and she has a lovely, lull-me-to-sleep accent. Her blog is full of wisdom and inspiration, too. So, enjoy!

The myth of having it all.

We try. We do. We try and do some more.

Then we wonder why it isn’t enough.

It’s a hoax, you see. We’ve bought into the lie. And still we can’t understand why it’s not working out for us.

The ‘it’ I’m talking about is the myth of having it all. It seems to be the goal of all aspiring successful women.

We think — no, we believe — with every fiber of our beings that we can have it all.

The killer career, the devoted husband, the well-behaved kids and of course the white picket fence to make everything look pretty on the outside.

And why not? Isn’t that what we’re told we need to be happy?

So we spend a lifetime trying to get there only to realize, ‘hang on a second, this is not where I want to be’. Or worse, ‘this is not WHO I want to be’.

Maybe this isn’t your story. Maybe you do have it all and you’re loving it. And in fact, you’re striving for more. Or perhaps you’re wise to the lie and refuse to get on the ‘have-it-all-by-30’ bandwagon. Or whatever the going number is these days.

But is it possible that you’ve bought into the lie too?

How you really CAN have it all!A wise man once told me something that I’ll never forget. I was celebrating my birthday and he was wishing me well. He recalled the success that I’d had in my career, reaching to the top of my field. He also hinted at how proud he was of the little family my husband and I had started. But then he went on to say something quite unexpected.

“You’re now in the second half of your life”, he said. “You spent the first half building, striving, making a name for yourself. Now it’s time to give back. To slow down. To help others.”

I wish I had recorded him. I wish he were here to say these words to me now.

That was the last birthday I celebrated with my father and it was him who spoke those wise words. Words that have stayed with me and made me ponder many aspects of my life.

He was right, of course.

I really did spend what felt like a lifetime striving. ‘When I get this…then I’ll…’ ‘First let me do this, then we could…’ There was always something more to reach for. Something else that I thought would satisfy me. Not yet learning that God is enough for me.

And this dream of ‘having it all’? Oh, how it plagued me. But over time, life was teaching me some lessons.

I was already on a journey before he said those words but he crystallized what I now know to be true: I can have it all, yes, but not all at the same time.

Wanna know how you can REALLY have it all? @spreadtheshine Click To Tweet

I have since come to believe that having it all, comes at a price. We pay when we sacrifice areas such as:

  • relationships
  • health
  • peace of mind
  • spiritual fulfillment

Is having it all really worth the cost?

Perhaps we need to stop and ask ourselves if it’s worth it.

— Is my goal to be the best in my field worth sacrificing the time I get to spend with my kids?

— Should I really put off going to the doctor just because it doesn’t fit into my schedule? (Yes, I’ve been there.)

— Is all the extra that I’m doing worth compromising my devotional time?

Have you been there?

If you’re there right now, I encourage you to pause for a moment. Consider what it is you’re really running after and the price you’ll likely pay to get there. Maybe it will be worth it. Maybe not.

The good news is, we don’t have to pay the price for this terrible lie — this myth that tries to convince us that ‘having it all’ is what we really need. We can choose another path based on godly wisdom.

Proverbs 16 is a good place to start. No matter what goals I might have, it is God who will determine my steps. Turning to him for direction and wisdom is the best thing I can do.

Turning to God for direction is the best thing we can do! @spreadtheshine Click To Tweet

What about you?

What price have you paid in your pursuit of having it all?

What advice can you give for the woman who’s trying to balance everything in order to have it all?

How can we offer our daughters a better way?

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Wishing you blessings!


Marva is an island-living, sun-loving Christian wife, mother and wearer of many hats. Inspired by John 10:10 she encourages women to slow down and enjoy life to the full, brilliantly. You can find all the latest sparkle on her blog SunSparkleShine as well as Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter and Instagram. Get a free copy of her e-book You Were Made to Sparkle when you sign up for her Sparklelights newsletter here.

  1. Shannon, what a joy it has been to share your space and join you in sharing God’s love across the web. I’ve so enjoyed following your blog to see how God’s been using you to inspire women in their walk with Him. Every story reminds us that we are fiercely loved by the King of kings — all to His glory!
    Keep shining brightly, my friend. The world needs your special kind of sparkle!

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