How to Fight for Your Broken Marriage

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There’s a question that I get asked often, and I’ve been asked so many times over the last couple of years, that my answers lately have seemed canned and monotonous.  This week it’s as if God sucker-punched me when I received an email from a reader. I get many emails a week, and this one was different, yet just like the many I’ve recieved. The writer of the email had a desperate tone. She was hopeless and in despair over her marriage. I could relate. I remembered. The writer was me, but it wasn’t me at all. The question that she asked is this:

What steps did you take to repair your broken marriage?

It’s a loaded question and one that has a plethora of answers. The honest answer is this: there is no magic formula to repairing a broken marriage. I wish there was. I wish we could just snap our fingers and poof, things would be better.

Repairing and restoring a broken marriage is hard, that’s why we need God. Without Him, it’s almost impossible. Actually, I want to take the “almost” out. It’s impossible to restore a broken marriage without Him.

You can repair a #marriage, but it can't be restored without God! #fiercelyHis Click To Tweet

Fix your broken marriage. Is your marriage broken? Is so broken that you think it's beyond repair? Here are 10 important steps that you can take to fix your broken marriage.Hear me.

You can repair your marriage without Him. But a restored marriage? It’s impossible to have a restored marriage without God.

You need Him, my friend. Oh, how we need Him.

As I was talking to my husband this weekend, I thought I’d see what response he’d give. So I asked him:

How would you encourage others to fight for their broken marriage? When you were at your most desperate moment, how did you do it? How did you fight for us?

He laid back in the creamy white chair while his brown eyes went up to the ceiling and he focused his thoughts. He looked over at me with a passion and eagerness and said this:

Focus on the person you’re fighting FOR, not the person your fighting WITH.

Well, there ya go. That.will.preach. WOW. As I say quite often, HOLLA! That’s powerful, friends.

In marriage, focus on the person you're fighting FOR, not on the person you're fighting WITH.… Click To Tweet

You get what he’s saying, right? Let me explain from my perspective.

After my husband found out about my affair it was important that he focus on the person he married, not the person who I had become because of the affair. Sin had crept its way into my heart and turned me into someone I wasn’t. I’m so thankful for the wisdom of my husband and that he could see that. It was such an emotional time for us, but it was important that he take emotion out of it and see the truth of who the person was that he married.

Fix your broken marriage. Is your marriage broken? Is so broken that you think it's beyond repair? Here are 10 important steps that you can take to fix your broken marriage.

As we continued our conversation, we listed 9 other ways to fight for your broken marriage.

  • Choose your words wisely because you can’t take them back. You can apologize, but they’ll always be there. I know this is hard. When others hurt us, we want to hurl emotion-filled words their way. It feels good, right. But the thing is, it’s not.

Proverbs 10:19 – Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. 

So, shut yo mouth, my friend. Shut it. Save those words for when you’re alone in your car, and then cuss and curse the devil…because that’s who your fighting against. We fight not against flesh and blood but the dark forces around us. This scripture isn’t only for that annoying co-worker that is trying to get your job, or that one friend who tries to one-up you at every turn. It’s as much or more for your spouse.

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places” Ephesians 6:12.

Girl- get those gloves out and punch that devil in the FACE.

 

  • Limit the people around you to those that support your decision to work on your marriage. This may sound surprising, but you don’t need people in your life that will take your side; you need unbiased support and those who can look at the bigger picture. Lordy, my husband had the reason of all reasons to shun and divorce me. His friends wouldn’t have blamed him. In fact, I’m sure some of them wanted to tell him to do that exact thing. Be careful around those types of friends and family who don’t use wisdom in their words to you.

 

  • By all means, seek professional, Christian counseling. This was HUGE for our restoration. If you don’t know any counselors in your area, call a church in your area and ask for referrals. You can do this anonymously.

…a wise man listens to counsel –Proverbs 12:15

 

  • Honor the vow you took, “for better or worse.” Are you going through “the worse?” What’s your worse? Whatever it is that has caused your marriage to be broken, that’s your worse. I know what you’re thinking. An eye for an eye. Oh friend, this is hard, I know. But the reward you will be given…

 

  • Rely on biblical logic, not emotional, “knee-jerk” reactions.

Proverbs 3:5-7 -Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, He will show you the right path to take. Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.

 

  • Remember the good times you had before this happened, and fight for them. Fight for the good times! As me and John were brainstorming this list, he said “I didn’t want to throw away our good times, I didn’t want to give them up.”

Fight for the good times!

 

  • Pray. I know this seems so typical. But it’s not what you pray, it’s how. It’s not the quantity of your prayers, it’s the quality. I’m not saying that praying often isn’t necessary because it most definitely is. Let me explain. Sometimes when our marriage is so broken we don’t know how to pray. Not only that, if we’re honest, we may not even want to pray. You don’t have to pray big, eloquent prayers. God hears our prayers, period. No matter how small or simple.

When you wake up every morning, say this prayer to God, and mean it. “God, please help me through this day. Give me wisdom.” And at the end of the day, say this, “Thank you God for this day.”

These prayers seem simple and short, yes. The reason I encourage this is these simple prayers above can be life-changing, when you mean them. Remember: quality.

 

  • If your marriage is broken, this is so important: don’t compare your marriage to others’ marriage. Know that every marriage has had or will have struggles. It’s just life. If you see another couple that seems so happy, don’t compare your marriage to theirs. (Who knows what they’ve gone through, or will go through.) When you compare, it puts too great of expectations on your own marriage and it just isn’t healthy. Focus on your own marriage. 

 

  • Know that your broken marriage will more than likely not be repaired overnight. Working at marriage is hard work. It’s not for the weak. But it’s the most rewarding. If you put the hard work into restoring your broken marriage, you will, in turn, be rewarded with a happy, authentic, lovely marriage. Take one day at a time.

One of my favorite resources for restoring broken marriages is Marriage Today by Jimmy Evans. We love Jimmy Evans because he’s practical, in your face, and he speaks truth. Those three things are super important!

I also love Fierce Marriage with Ryan and Selena Frederick. Their website that is a wealth of information plus they have two books that have been published.

Have you received my FREE eBook yet?

What are some other ways to restore a broken marriage? Be sure and let me know you’re thoughts in the comments below. Also, would you share this article with a friend! It’s easy, just click on the share links at the bottom of this post. Have a great week, friend!

 

 

 

 

 

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  1. Happy Thursday, Shannon! Why didn’t you use a size 100 font to type this point: don’t compare your marriage to others’ marriage? That has got to be one of my biggest struggles! OH. MY. GOODNESS!!! Lawd, help me! One of these days I hope it’s not a struggle. Thanks for all the suggestions you’ve listed here to help fight for our marriages. I’m sharing this on Welcome Home Ministry’s Facebook page.

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