Why Your Friend Needs You Now More than Ever.


Giving your friend space: 6 Ways Your Friend Needs You Now More Than Ever

I felt the phone vibrate in my purse. It was one short vibrate which meant it was a text.

“I’m praying for you today,” then a purple heart emoji.

A sweet text from my friend. I felt so much gratitude in my heart for her text yet there was nothing really that I wanted to say back to her so I tapped the home button and put the phone back in my purse. I didn’t really want any contact with the outside world. I wanted to be left to myself. I just wanted to “be.”

I was going through a really hard time. The part of my personality that is introverted screams loud when I’m going through hard times. I tend to sort of step back from everyone and slip on the facade.

My friend knew I was going through a hard time, and she also knew me. And she loved me anyway. She knew that I would contact her at some point, and she was okay with that. Her acceptance of me was invaluable.

I didn’t respond to that text, but I did contact her, at some point. 

Today I cherish the friendship that I have with her because she gets me, and I get her. Our friendship is beautiful. I’m so thankful that she stuck with me through my hard time. She is worth more than rubies…

The best kind of friend is a praying friend. #friendship #fiercelyHis Click To Tweet

In that season of my life, I needed her more than ever. But not in the way that you might think.

Sometimes, our need and the perception of our need are two completely different things.

When we go through hard times, the perception might be that we need someone in our life who constantly checks on us, poking and prodding until we emerge from the darkness and come clean with what’s going on with us.

And sometimes that perception is false.

Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. Luke 5:16

In that period of darkness, I needed a friend alright. I needed her to silently step back and give me space. I needed her to be confident in our relationship and not be offended by the fact that I needed time. I needed her to understand that just because I was “quiet” didn’t mean that it had anything to do with her.

Even Jesus needed His space from time to time.

Jesus needed space, I needed space, sometimes we just need space! #fiercelyHis #friendship Click To Tweet

Giving your friend space: 6 Ways Your Friend Needs You Now More Than Ever.

Here are 6 ways your friend may need you now more than ever:

  • Give her space, but don’t disappear. She will come to you when she needs you. When she does, act like there’s been no space or distance. Don’t make her feel guilty for wanting space.


  • Give her the benefit of the doubt. This is probably one of the most beautiful gifts you can give your friend or anyone for that matter. Do not make her feel bad for not confiding in you in that moment. She probably has enough going on in her life to have to worry about your feelings. This sounds harsh but it’s true. Cut her some slack.


  • Love her through it. Love her! When she feels like she doesn’t have another friend in the world, be that one friend and LOVE her.


  • Be there when she emerges. It may be soon, it may not be soon. Regardless of which, be there. And don’t chide her or make her feel guilty if she doesn’t want to talk about it. Because it’s not about you. She’ll talk when she’s ready.


  • Understand her. Don’t try to understand. There is no try. Just do. The best kind of friendships not only love, they understand. They understand when no one else does.


  • Don’t take offense. Please, do not take offense! In my opinion, taking offense over something like this is a sure-fire way to tear a friendship a part. Just don’t do it.

Remember, a friend loveth at ALL times. (Proverbs 17:17) This includes those times when she needs her space.

Just love her. The most beautiful friendships are those that just “are.” There are no expectations, no guilt, no pressure. These types of friendships do take time to evolve as beautiful, but they will, at some point, if they’re taken care of, and sometimes taking care of them simply means you give space.

I agree that maintaining a friendship can be work. Just like with any relationship, it takes work to grow into something beautiful. I’m simply suggesting that sometimes “work” means doing nothing at all, and just being, and loving behind the scenes.

I always enjoy hearing from you! Please take a minute to say ‘hi’ and share your thoughts about friendship below.

Also, would you do me a favor —if you resonate with this article or it has helped you today— would you share it with someone else? Maybe a friend, coworker, or family member…?

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  1. I love this so much and man, do I get it. My deepest hurt in friendships have come because when I isolated to heal, noone came looking for me. I didn’t want care packages or suprise visits, but just a reminder that they were still there. Your words are packed with wisdom, kindness, and grace. So good!

    • Shannon says:

      Yes, I tend to retreat when I’m hurting over something. Friends who get it are valuable! Thank you so much for your kind words, “friend”- 🙂

  2. Wisdom pureth from your lips today. Bless you!

  3. Becca says:

    I’m so grateful for the friends that understood I needed space after suffering my third miscarriage. My introverted side came out full force and they just got it. One friend dropped off a lasagna in a cooler at my door and then drove the 45 minutes back to her house without even ringing the doorbell because she knew I wasn’t ready to talk just yet. And when I was ready – they were there without missing a beat.

  4. Denise Renae says:

    Shannon, this is so good! I like what you said about giving your friend the benefit of the doubt. That really is what is needed most, especially for those close friendships. It can be easy to take offense of think of her in the wrong. Thanks so much for writing this… I needed to be reminded of this. 🙂

  5. Ashley says:

    Shannon, I love your honesty not just in this post, but throughout your blog…we as Christian women really need to check ourselves sometimes! We all have a tendency to become needy or let our feelings become unnecessarily hurt…that’s to be expected in this chaotic world, but we need to live by grace…both extending it and receiving it!

  6. Lisa Appelo says:

    Shannon, This is so timely. I have a dear friend going through a hard period and when I reached out, she couldn’t talk. She wasn’t ready and that was fine. So good to see it from her perspective. We all process difficulty different.

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